may taning ang paghahanap kay happiness

a note for my bestgirls

2009-04-03T09:52:00.000+08:00

Browsing through photos taken at Pam's recent christening and saw this:

which brought me back to this:

(taken at Mine's birthday party, circa 2006)

Makes one wonder where time goes because it does fly, what it takes with it when it disappears (wisps of hair swept from under forgotten beauty parlors' chairs? disappearing numbers from our erratic weight dips and binge-eating?) and what it brings with each new twenty-four hour series (new habits, overhauled routines, a realignment of priorities, a baby!). Ten years na nga ba tayong friends? Ahmishu girls, labas naman tayo soon.

***

Heres to the old times and the best of new ones/Heres to a song of glee/Finding our way from illusions to realities/Hoping to wake up from this madness/Hoping to see you smile/Pushing our way to the limit of yours and mine

Im growing up, getting down/Putting my both feet on the ground/With all my friends behind me/How can I go wrong this time?/Im growing up, getting down/Think of reality came around/Not just waiting for the daybreak/Expecting the sun to shine/It doesnt shine all the time

Falling in love, falling apart/You think its the end of the line/Holding hand while crying, then youll feel just fine/If youre thinking that youre the only one/Well, take a look around and youll find/Ill be there where you are/Then and now, I say

We're growing up, getting down/Putting our both feet on the ground (...)

*"Growing Up," Bagets, Gary V.

tomorrow, 03.07.2009

2009-03-06T07:14:00.000+08:00

i'm bursting with excitement.

with all that's been happening, i just reallyreallyreally need a good dose of nostalgia (in the form of a happenin' set!).

what is lutang?

2009-03-05T13:01:00.000+08:00

lutang is booking tacloban instead of tagbilaran.

(therefore almost sending an aunt, a foreign visitor and 2 other companions to leyte instead of bohol.)

gah.

oras, panahon

2009-03-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

"don't worry, we'll make up for all the time we lost."

but all that's been happening is us losing more time.

my slanting eyes

2009-02-13T08:33:00.000+08:00

Earlier, while having breakfast with the boyfriend, we were talking about how much of a person's destiny depends on how he or she ends up looking like.

Take Obama for example. What if he ended up resembling his mom, Dr. Ann Durham, more than his dad, Mr. Barack Obama Sr.? Would the hoopla surrounding his candidacy and then eventual presidency been as big if the color evidenced by his skin were nonexistent?

Being born to a Chinese dad and a Filipina mum, I've often mused how differently my personal circumstances would have turned had I ended up looking more Filipino than Chinese. One of the things I discovered as an adult was that I was actually a "secret" baby. When my mum was pregnant with me, she and my dad were "in hiding" in Lucena City -- my dad (who was already 40 at that time) from his proud Chinese family, my mum from her first (then abusive) husband and older daughters.

No one from the Oyeks found out about me or saw me until my baptism. They rushed to Lucena upon hearing from a trusted distant relative/housekeeper that my parents sired a girl who was an absolute xerox copy of her dad.

My mum, in more than one occassion, herself have often told me how "buti na lang" I ended up looking like Papa. Otherwise, paternity doubts would have most likely been raised (or they wouldn't have found me as adorable :p).

And then there's the issue of "fitting in" with the family. Since I was practically raised by the Oyeks (Papa and then later the aunts) during the 80s when our grandmother's every birthday was celebrated with everyone imperatively wearing red, I can only imagine in retrospect how difficult it would've been if I had darker skin or bigger eyes (maybe I'm being a bigot to myself; this is my space so if you're uncomfy, discontinue reading). It's not that the Oyeks were a bad bunch, in fact they were, and are, up to this day, well-esteemed in their hometown province in another part of Quezon (especially our immigrant lola who the neighbors all remember fondly). It's just that sometimes it's different when you're family and that was the 80s.

In retrospect too, I think about how cool it was of my dad to risk raising ire like that. He did try to fight for my mum, but in the end other circumstances proved bigger than the two of them (or three of us). Pogi points to Papa who celebrated his 15th death anniversary last Feb. 12.

Hi, I'm alive and ...

2009-02-13T07:18:00.000+08:00

selling my books!

I used to think, "What kind of people sells dirtcheap/gives away books they've owned for years -- read, unread, loved or forgotten?" But here I am doing it. And I can only justify it with the thought that I'm clearing the space for newer books.

Art

Gauguin: Letters from Brittany and the South Seas (hardbound), P100
Antoni Gaudi: Visionary Architect of the Sacred and the Profane by Judith Carmel Arthur (Periplus edition), P100

Feminist writings

Spare Rib Reader: 100 Issues of Women’s Liberation, P40
*Spare Rib, a magazine from the early 70s that put women’s liberation on the news stands. This book is an anthology of articles chosen to “illustrate both the development of ideas in the women’s movement and the development of Spare Rib.”

The Third Woman: Minority Women Writers of the United States (a collection of literary texts) edited by Dexter Fisher, P40

Essays/ Theory

Illness as Metaphor by Susan Sontag, P50
Convergences: Essays on Art and Literature by Octavio Paz, P50
The Film Sense by Sergei Eisenstein, P50

Classics

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (Dover Thrift Editions), P20
The Aenid of Virgil, a verse translation by Rolfe Humphries, P20
Strange Tales from the Arabian Nights, P20
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Caroll, P20

Fiction

How to Make an American Quilt by Whitney Otto (Hardbound), P50
The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett, P50
Shanghai Baby by Wei Hui, P50
G by John Berger, P 100
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson, P50
Second Hand (“A novel about knick-knacks, garage sales, and the bonds we form with people and things”) by Michael Zadoorian, P50
Vita Brevis by Jostein Gaarder, P50
South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami, P50
Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie, P50
Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel, P50
Jacob’s Room and the Waves by Virginia Wolf, P50
The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath, P50
Truck Stop Rainbows(“The Unbearable Lightness of Being meets Fear of Flying in this exuberant novel of sex, hitchhiking, and social sabotage written by a young Czech writer of unfettered inventiveness and scalding honesty.”) by Iva Pekarkova, P50
The Godfather by Mario Puzo, P50
Betrayed by Rita Hayworth by Manuel Puig, P50
Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Truman Capote, P40
A Suitable Boy (part 3) by Vikram Seth, P50
That Hideous Strength by CS Lewis, P50
Foundation and Earth by Isaac Asimov, P40

Non-Fiction

The Trouble with Nick and other Profiles by Marra PL. Lanot, P50
Man Meets Dog by Konrad Lorentz, P20

Young Adult

Fudge-a-Mania by Judy Blume, P20
The Slave Dancer by Paula Fox, P20
(Sweet Dreams) California Girl, P15

Travel

Toujours Provence by Peter Mayle, P70

Children’s books

The Missing Piece meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein (Hardbound), P150
Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein (Hardbound), P150

*if interested, drop a line and then let's arrange a meetup or shipping (to be shouldered by the buyer).

"Repeat While Fading" Cafe SaGuijo launch details

2009-01-19T17:43:00.000+08:00

"Repeat While Fading" Cafe SaGuijo launch details

2009-01-19T17:42:00.000+08:00

the million-dollar question, isip o puso?

2009-01-19T09:18:00.000+08:00

Fun-ta tayo!

petty facebooking censorship

2009-01-16T03:40:00.000+08:00

I got up really early this morning to prepare for class and just when I was about to head out, boss calls to tell me my morning classes are canceled due to the heavy snow and the fact that he's too lazy to just shovel it off our school's driveway so classes could go on. Not that I'm unhappy about the sudden free time, but along with my canceled classes is the planned tamago-maki (japanese square egg) cooking session with Yoshiko, one of my students. And I was already fully made up!

I turn on the TV, tuned into CNN, expecting to hear more about the shelling of the UN headquarters in Gaza. Guess what, for a full 2 hours CNN reports on nothing but the US domestic plane which made an unexpected landing down the Hudson River. No mention whatsoever on the Gaza shelling. Sure, that near disaster is important news, but hey, humanitarian law just about went kapoot in Gaza and a supposed reputable news station go for a full 2 hours without devoting a proper story on it? Even if it was a devoted American program (Wolf Blitzer's Situation Room), I don't think that's enough of an excuse.

So really, what can someone stuck in the sticks do but post a Facebook status in protest? And I write, "Nyel is annoyed CNN chooses to devote a full 2-hours on the US plane near-disaster when there are other matters that need attention, like the UN Gaza shelling."

Because there's not enough space, I added on a 2nd status, "Nyel no wonder Americans are such spoiled brats and think the world revolves around them."

Guess what, facebook deletes it within 5 minutes of posting. So much for freedom of status and right to criticism.

deliver us from the devil

2009-01-13T13:18:00.000+08:00

amazon is evil. evil, evil! god of mr. scrooge, save me from this online bookshop (my fingers are quicker than my penny-pinching brain when they go click-click-click).

the Grand vs. the mundane

2009-01-03T19:59:00.000+08:00

At half past-one in the morning, I could hear my brother Kazu laughing like a kid in his room. The boy-man (he's 18 now) is most likely catching up on animes he missed during the short trip we made for the holidays. Tomorrow, he might take me window shopping for laptops.

Mama and the Japanese step-dad are both snoring in the living room (Jess definitely outsnores Cecille hands-down), because we have visiting relatives (Tita Gigi, her partner Ichan, their 4 kids in tow, plus Teru) sleeping in the main room. Tomorrow, the plan is we all go skiing, butprobably everyone would just end up playing with snow or sliding down the slopes on kiddie sleighs.

---

Pretty soon, these will all just be part of things I'd reminisce about or vaguely remember when I look at 2008-early 2009 photos.

You never tell friends the mundane stories when they ask about your travel; you tell them of the grander things like hiking up Mt. Fuji (which I didn't do) or getting treated to an authentic 4-course Japanese fine dining lunch (happened last Monday). The grand things you remember vividly, you memorize the colors and see snapshots so clearly in your head. The image attached to the mundane maybe a bit blurred but it has a smell, a sound, a taste. When we revisit the Grand, we do it on purpose, dusting off album jackets, then leafing through the scenes one by one. Usually, the Grand makes us think of happy times. The mundane, on the other hand, sneaks up on us and makes us want to go back (because the mundane experiences are the closest we could get to "the way things were").

Rock 'n Roll heart

2008-12-30T06:25:00.000+08:00

Repeat While Fading

Aldus Santos' collection of articles on pinoy rock

(Basta ako pupunta.)

UP student ka ba? Siguro naalala mo si Mang Meliton (sya yung "singing janitor")

2008-12-28T15:49:00.000+08:00

If he had ever acted as your guarantor for a student loan, this is a direct call to you (especially if you forgot to pay). If he never did, there must have been at least 1 day in your 4 (or more) year stay at the University that his toothy smile cheered you up.

My little Mang Mel story:

I vaguely remember having this really shitty day back when I was an undergrad. I saw Mang Mel mopping up the FC floor and singing! Singing with all his heart and mopping, like no one and nothing else existed but him, his floor, and the music he was creating then and there. Mang Mel was such a picture of devotion and passion, I just stood there, watching him. After his song, I think I applauded and complimented him, after which he asked if I had a "request." I forgot which song I requested (probably a Carpenters ditty or was it Smile?), but I do remember feeling much, much better afterwards, not because he sang for me but because he was kind enough to entertain this child who was obviously having a bad day.

As it turns out, that little song number for me (and all other song numbers that followed) was nothing compared to the hundreds of students Mang Mel helped enrol in his 45-year service to UP. Mang Mel not only gave away impassioned performances, he also risked his name (and pension) so other students could enrol.

Please take the time to read this and, if you may, pass it on until it reaches those forgetful people. The guy surely deserves a whole lot better. Sana magkaron naman ng accountability yung ibang tao.

The text that follows is a repost from this site.

-----------------

Meet Meliton Zamora, a retired University of the Philippines janitor and my hero.

For forty-five years, he swept floors, cleaned up trash, watered plants and did odd jobs at the University.

I met him when I was active with the UP Repertory Company, a theater group based (then) at the third floor lobby of the Arts & Sciences (AS) building. He would sweep and mop the hallway floors in silence, venturing only a nod and a smile whenever I passed him.

Back then, for me he was just one of those characters whom you got acquainted with and left behind as soon as you earned your degree and left the university for some big job in the real world. Someone whose name would probably ring a bell but whose face you'd have a hard time picturing. But for many UP students like me who were hard up and had a difficult time paying their tuition fees, Mang Mel was a hero who gave them the opportunity to finish university and get a big job in the real world.

The year was 1993 and I was on my last semester as a Clothing Technology student. My parents had been down on their luck and were struggling to pay for my tuition fee. I had been categorized as Bracket 9 in the recently implemented Socialized Tuiton and Financial Assistance Program (STFAP). My father had lost his job and to supplement my allowance, I worked part time as a Guest Relations Officer at Sam's Diner (back when the term GRO didn't have shady undertones) and took some odd jobs as a Production Assistant, movie extra and wardrobe mistress.

To be eligible for graduation, I had to enroll in my last three courses and pay my tuition fee. Since my parents didn't have enough money for my matriculation, I applied for a student loan hoping that my one of my Home Economics (HE) professors would take pity on me and sign on as a guarantor for the student loan. But those whom I approached either refused or were not eligible as guarantors. After two unsuccessful weeks of looking for a guarantor, my prospects looked dim, my future dark. And so, there I was, a downtrodden twenty year old with a foggy future, crying in the AS lobby. I only had twenty four hours left to look for a guarantor.

Mang Mel, with a mop in hand, approached me and asked me why I was crying. I told him I had no guarantor for my student loan and will probably not be able to enroll this semester. I had no hopes that he would be able to help me. After all, he was just a janitor. He borrowed my loan application papers and said softly, "Puwede ako pumirma. Empleyado ako ng UP." He borrowed my pen and signed his name. With his simple act of faith, Mang Mel not only saved my day, he also saved my future.

I paid my student loan the summer after that fateful day with Mang Milton and it has been 15 years since then. I am not filthy rich but I do have a good job in the real world that allows me to support my family and eat three meals a day. A few weeks ago, a friend and UP Professor, Daki, told me that Mang Mel recently recorded an album which he sells to supplement his meager retirement pay, I asked another friend, Blaise, who's taking his Master's degree at UP to find out how we could contact Mang Mel. My gesture of gratitude for Mang Mel's altruism has been long overdue. As fate would have it, my friend saw Mang Mel coming out of the shrubbery from behind the UP library, carrying firewood. He got Mang Mel's address and promised him that we would come over to buy his album.

Together with Blaise and my husband Augie, I went to pay Mang Mel a visit last Sunday. Unfortunately, he was out doing a little sideline gardening for a UP professor in Tandang Sora. We were welcomed into their home by his daughter Kit. As she pointed out to a laminated photo of Mang Mel on the wall, she proudly told us that her father did retire with recognition from the University. However, she sadly related to us that many of the students whose loans Mang Mel guaranteed neglected to settle their student loans. After forty-five years of service to the University, Mang Mel was only attributed 171 days of work for his retirement pay because all the unpaid student loans were deducted from his full retirement pay of about 675 days. This seems to me a cruel repayment for his kindness.

This is a cybercall to anyone who did not get to pay their student loans that were guaranteed by Mang Mel. Anytime would be a good time to show Mang Mel your gratitude.

Mang Mel is not asking for a dole out, though I know he will be thankful for any assistance you can give. So I ask those of you who also benefited from Mang Meliton's goodness or for those who simply wish to share your blessings, please do visit Mang Mel and buy his CD (P350 only) at No. 16-A, Block 1, Pook Ricarte, U.P. Campus, Diliman, Quezon City (behind UP International House) or contact his daughter Kit V. Zamora at 0916-4058104.

2008 Round-up

2008-12-26T04:42:00.000+08:00

What did you do in 2008 that you've never done before?
Travel alone – and I loved it! The concept had always seemed somewhat scary to me (especially in a country whose language I grapple with everyday), but in the end curiosity won out. I just had to visit places like Kyoto and Osaka and don’t really have anyone to go with so kebs na sa pag-aalangan.

Both were immensely fulfilling experiences, and I know I would want to be doing more traveling in the years ahead (like nextyear), preferably with a friend (ahem!), but if no one’s available and the place looks safe, kahit solo ako ulit, sige!

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Hmm…I don’t really “make” New Year’s resolutions and don’t intend to for next year either. :p Siguro ano na lang, I should exercise more next year, keep clutter at bay, and be more productive.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No one did this year, but Checo is due really soooooon! Mine, Anj, and I are all excited titas.

Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, thank god. Skip muna sana ako dito, our family has had too much in the years prior to this.

What countries did you visit?
Went back to the Philippines last September, then stayed in exotic Japan.

Was able to go to Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto, Kagawa, Hakone and Palawan!

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A great boss (the brilliant, unselfish, decent, honest and without racial prejudices kind) and the kind of work which would allow me to teach and write (kung pwede yung may kinalaman sa sining).

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Hmm…ano nga ba. Yung mga biyahe:

Sept. 15-18, Palawan trip; because it was the first time I went snorkeling and totally fell in love with it, and because I went with Marco and we both had a blast.

Oct. 1, Osaka, day of my US visa interview + Radiohead concert. Parehong masaya.

Nov.30-Dec.2, Kyoto. It’s an unbelievably beautiful city, worth all the hype.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I was able to combat homesickness (sa Multiply at sa lahat ng well-meaning friends who made themselves available to me online: thank you.)

What was your biggest failure?
I didn’t assert myself as much as I should have done. I think I need to work on this, especially when it comes to work and letting myself to get what I rightly deserve. But we all learn, don’t we? I sure hope I did.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Minor sickness like pagod-related fever early this month, extremely sore leg muscles from too much walking (blam it on the exuberance of a tourist).

What was the best thing you bought?
Sunshine the Ipod and my grungy black boots. Oh, and my pair of happy Chucks.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
He-who-shall-not-be-named, for referential purposes.

To sum the person up, capitalist racists make you believe the worst in mankind and even make you doubt a culture (just because it’s the environment that raised him).

Where did most of your money go?
Travel and travel paraphernalia (oooh, walking shoes! Camera! Etc.,etc.)

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Kyoto just because I’ve heard so much about it and coming home after ten months of being away.

What song will always remind you of 2008?
The whole In Rainbows album, I think I’ll always feel a certain thrill listening to it, yung awe at pagiging surreal nung experience na once upon a time, napanood ko yung Radiohead live.

Compared to this time last year, you are:
i. happier or sadder? -- Definitely much happier. I’m not as homesick anymore compared to last year (and most part of this year), I still do miss home pero nakapag-adjust na yata ako kahit papano and made a few good friends along the way (haha, after a year and a half!).
ii. thinner or fatter? -- Fatter, because I’ve also been doing more cooking (and luvin’ it).
iii. richer or poorer? -- By some standards richer, but only because I was sort of penniless before and couldn’t even afford to take short trips without blowing all my savings (lakwatsera talaga ko). I’m kinda glad to have the resources to do what I want. Sana magtuloy-tuloy.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Write and read about art.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Desired things I couldn’t and shouldn’t have.

How did you spend Christmas?
Currently answering this meme! Might go out later with Nat, his girlfriend and some people for a proper Xmas dinner (kung hindi ako tatamarin).

Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yep -- with a job that’s based in Singapore, but it didn’t love me back, boohoo.

Sa rela-relasyon, considering that I’m in an LDR, we didn’t fall out of love so hurrah to that!

How many one-night stands?
Sa totoo lang I don’t understand the logic of one-night stands, so no and maybe never.

What was your favorite TV program?
No Reservations (dinner on Thursdays), The Situation Room (morning newspaper), Gossip Girl (weekday break)

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don’t hate him, but I got (and still get) appalled by his dodgy behavior and decision-making numerous times. Pricks do exist.

What was the best book you read?
Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman (Haruki Murakami) re-read it a lot this year, particularly the short story “The Kidney-Shaped Stone.” May mga epiphanies ako sa tuwing binabasa ko yun.

Norwegian Wood, another Murakami. Fell in love with Midori’s character. She’s like a Cameron Crowe girl. Gusto kong maging Midori (o kaya sana isa akong Midori).

There’s something about reading Murakami while in Japan. Parang mas ramdam ko sya. Gusto ko ring bumalik ng Tokyo and do my very own Murakami tour; traverse the streets he mentioned in the book. :p

Another author discovery: Eileen Chang, Love in a Fallen City, she's a gem. Ang galing nung paglalawaran nya sa old Shanghai.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Drumroll please (because this would prolly sound pretentious, haha): jazz. Parang finally, I know how to listen to it now (somewhat). Sabi ko kay Marco, I owe it to him cause’ he taught me how.

That and Velvet Underground.

What did you want and got?
Adventure (and a dash of kitchen sense)!

Objects-wise, a camera

What was your favorite film of this year?
My Blueberry Nights (Norah Jones’ performance somewhat fell short, but Rachel Weisz and David Strathairn were brilliant. Ang heartbreaking nung segment nila.)

Favorite soundtrack: Juno

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
26 (fak)! I just worked the whole day; spent the day with my adult learners (one gave me a bar of Willy Wonka chocolate), the afternoon with my kids (a naughty, handful, but somewhat endearing bunch) and then after work, there was the sorta expected surprise party with the evening students, Nat and Takumi.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having Marco and my friends logistically near, hindi lang through the internet. A better boss would have helped too.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfy teaching clothes – suits, shirts, turtlenecks, plaid pants
Lakwatsa wear – boots, black leggings + mini-skirts, t-shirts
Heaps of black stockings and black tights.
Lots of black, period.

What kept you sane?
Chatting with Marco, Mine, Rach, Michelle, Ysa, Sandi, atbp., your Multiply replies, and making new travel plans; basically having something to look forward to never fails to paint the world in a better light.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Barack Obama! Hahah, there goes the suspicion that I find men who exude power and the smarts sexayyy

Who/What did you miss?
People: a lot (you should know)!

Events: every Centennial celebration event and (gaddamet) the Eraserheads Reunion Concert (I don’t think I’ll ever get over this)

Food: Isaw and Balut (they’re pretty hard to export)

Who was the best new person you met?
The award goes to Nat my co-teacher, just because he’d sometimes act as my lobbyist against our office imperialist (and he’s proving to be a good friend too).

Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2008.
When it comes to dealing with others, no matter how decent or fair you are some people will still fuck you up. In fact, a select dodgy few will even choose to take advantage of you.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
”You also happen to be cute and caring.” (haha)

The most touching experience you've had this year?
There were the unexpected moments courtesy of Marco (I feel very lucky to have a rather expressive boyfriend) and friends saying they miss me (kurot sa puso yun!). It made me feel loved, haha.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
I took the challenge to live away from all that’s comfortable and familiar and embarked on a teaching job and managed to do not-so-badly on both counts.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
I still sometimes whine a lot and buy things/food because they appear cheap and end up just wasting cash because they don’t get used or eaten.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I hope I’m wiser and more realistic now especially where working and dealing with higher-ups are concerned. Also, I have started to use mascara, lipstick and eye liner (this newly-acquired skill rocks!).

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Do you go to the country
It isn't very far
There's people there who will hurt you
’cos of what you are

Your ears are full of their language
there's wisdom there you're sure
Till the words start slurring
And you can't find the door

So give me coffee and TV easily
I've seen so much, I'm going blind
and braindead virtually
socialability is hard enough for me
Take me away from this big bad world
and agree to marry me so we can start over again

What are your plans for 2009?
Go back to graduate school. Get a jumpstart on a more stable profession (yung totohanan na), yung related sa pinag-aaralan ko. Travel more. Learn new things, like driving.

What are your wishes for the new year?
I have yet to make a list, but it’s somewhat related to the things mentioned above.

coffee prince

2008-12-23T07:27:00.000+08:00

Taken some two years ago before leaving for Japan. I think it was right after getting a haircut and during my no-meat phase (I was really thin!).

:D

winter blues

2008-12-10T16:41:00.000+08:00

* Been knocked down by fever + nausea in the last 3 days (and counting). I smell gross, feel gross, and my apartment looks awful. Good thing I'm staying in tomorrow so I might finally get some cleaning up done.

* Planned a trip to Hiroshima to go see the Peace Memorial Park and Museum, a huge complex dedicated to the victims of the atomic bomb (which I was excited to see because a former professor, Ma'am May Datuin, talked about it at length in an art history class I took), and Miyajima (this awesome shrine with the torii built right into the sea!). Booked my bus (actually got a really good deal) and was about to book a hostel. Then I found out that the Museum would be closed on the days I was supposed to be there. Drats. Sayang. I wouldn't have time to go in January, and I'm going home soon.

---

* On a chipper note, Blur announced they're actually reuniting. Yay.

oh, Japan

2008-12-02T15:05:00.000+08:00

Where the clueless homemaker end up paying a hundred and fifty pesos for one clove of garlic (in fairness, odorless naman), and then a year later, the same clueless person in backpacker mode sits through a tedious 3-hour train ride (of what could've been just an hour and a half) to save a measly 900php -- only to end up blowing around the same sum for a 10-minute cab fare! (E P I C pagtitipid fail. sniff.sniff.sniff.aaaaaarrrrgh!!!!!)

Great taxi remorse aside, I had a really memorable trip: Kyoto is worth every hype heaped upon it.

So, how are you? Salamat pala sa lahat ng nag-haberday. (In Nyel's barok Nihonggo, "Anatawa wakaru watashi no ai tai desune?" You do know i miss you, right?)

Will be uploading photos soon! :)

All about Calendars

2008-11-10T13:39:00.000+08:00

Since Mama is currently in Manila, I was left to my own devices. It was a pretty nondescript weekend spent walking around downtown, celebrating two birthdays, and dining at kaiten sushi (fast and cheap sushi, yum!).

1. Halloween is so over, and I guess so is Fall. The malls are in full-on Winter mode already. Coats, boots, different versions of Ugs, even Ugly-fied Crocs(take an oridnary croc, attach a bota-body to it), abound. And the weather seems to be cooperating (or is it the weather dictating the seemingly accelerated arrival of Freezy Winter?). Our Fukui Fall evenings have gotten as chilly as 5 deg Celsius (Lord help me in December!).

2. Japanese Christmas has begun to rear its kawai head. Adverts for Christmas cakes are everywhere. Families traditionally eat slices of pretty cakes on the 25th of December. No present-exchange here. Orders are placed at least a week ahead.

3. And speaking of cakes, I had a slice of one of these last Friday.

Yoshino and Keiko celebrated their birthdays (one day apart from each other) in our brand-spanking new school building:

At 32 years old, one could easily mistake them for 23 (okay, maybe that's stretching it, but they would each pass for 25 no?). And since Japanese women seem to be outliving everyone on the planet (an average Japanese obasan - grandma- reaches 86 years old), they both have a looong way to go (fifty years at least). I asked them what their wishes are -- Yoshiko wishes for more travel and Keiko wishes to get married. Sabi ko bata pa sya, and then that's when she said she's turning 32. Still young, I think. Pero sige na nga, I wish them both not marriage just yet kontrabida! :D), but wonderful boyfriends first. Ones they could travel with and celebrate happy birthdays til they reach their 80s. :D

3. Speaking of brand spanking new, yep, Will Be just moved a couple of blocks down Omiya road. It was a bit farther from my house (now it takes me 10 minutes by bike) but the new school comes with a bigger room for Grace, and a computer inside that room so no one's complaining -- especially since presumably I won't be around to complain once snow season begins. Hah! Score one for Grace. :D

4. Oh, if Christmas is not a big deal here, New Year is. It could be comparable to our Filipino Christmas. They have a host of traditions associated with New Year (it could merit an entire blog post). Upscale mall Seibu, aside from being Winter-crazy, is most definitely calendar and planner crazy! Andaming cute na calendars and planners swarming around, like this one:

pink goth calendars

Eyecandy talaga. It was fun just looking and watching shoppers furiously pick out their calendar of choice for 2009. I saw a Moomin planner I really liked, but managed to control myself (later you'll see why). However, I did fall in love with these:

Art-themed calendars printed on hemp paper.
They could be framed like that main display, made by a Russian artist.

This one, most especially:

I have an awww-spot for the Peanuts, lalo na yung vintage Peanuts where Snoopy looked more like an ordinary dog with really cute dog-antics. The vintage Peanuts calendar is also available in wallpaper format, yung pwedeng i-frame. I know I shouldn't even be thinking of getting it (if oggler's memory serves me right, it's about $20), but darnit, it's the Peanuts gang! Vintage Charles Schulz! Cuuuuuuuute!

5. So I wiped the slobber off my face and proceeded instead to the 100yen store -- yes, where everything costs around 46pesos! This reliable-looking 2009 planner included: AGENDA

Never go looking for trouble,
Seek and you shall find.
A near friend is better than
A far dwelling kinsman.

Let's disregard the proselytizing (and I kinda liked the screaming yellow cover and the word "agenda") since it can do this anyway:

plan, baby, plan!

Tsk. A sign of advancing years, the urge to make concrete plans and see your goals on paper. ;)

6. Speaking of advancing years, since my, uhm, boitday is coming up, I got meself this a month ago (yung sumisilip kanina sa ilalim ni Yellow Agenda):

Murakami Diary

Ordered it from Amazon (evil, evil Amazon!). The size was a lot smaller than I had expected and the price was like one Murakami book already. But it does have beautiful images like this:

First time I've gotten myself an expensive notebook, and it doesn't come without a pinch of guilt. So how do I justify this purchase? Sabi ko sa sarili ko, it will serve as an "ode to my more than 1 year stay in Japan"; para maalala ko yung buong Nipon experience next year (at syempre kelangan tunog-madrama. :p) Sabi ni Mine, gusto ko lang daw talagang i-justify yung purchase. :p

Haha, baka nga tama sya.

I know I've constantly complained about the loneliness, gig-lessness, lack of accessible friends, etc. that comes with life in Fukui, but I think I would sincerely miss living here - the solo apartment, proximity to my Mom, the Japanese city trips, fresh sushi, even my students (some of them especially ). So I'm resolving to just enjoy the remaining two months, biting weather aside. ;)

The Expatriates, p. 5

2008-11-07T19:39:00.000+08:00

Five young expatriates hunch around an undersized cafe table: a moment of total insignificance, and not without a powerful whiff of cliche.

Unless you were one of them. Then this meaningless, overdrawn moment may (then or later) seem to be somehow the summation of both an era and your own youth, your undeniably defining afternoon (though you can hardly say that aloud without making a joke of it). Somehow this one game of Sincerity becomes the distilled recollection of a much longer series of events. It persistently rises to the surface of your memory - that afternoon when you fell in love with a person or a place or a mood, when you savored the power of fooling everyone, when you discovered some great truth about the world, when (like a baby duck glimpsing your quacking mother's waddling rear for the first time) an indelible brand was seared into your heart, which is, of course, a finite space with limited room for searing.

-- Prague, Arthur Phillips

Mark, p. 29

2008-11-07T19:30:00.000+08:00

excerpt from Prague, Arthur Phillips,

Like a dying man railing against an unfamiliar God, Mark kept asking, "Why?" And every academic question was merely a restatement of a more pressing personal one, one he had been asking nearly as long as he could remember thinking, one he was embarassed to ask even as he kept asking it despite himself, one he would only share with a friend while drunk or laughing:

Why am I unhappy in the era and place I was given?

It did not take a very long acquaintanceship before Charles labeled Mark "sad beyond help, unfit even for commodities trading." Scott, in turn, had identified the Canadian as "prematurely elderly."

kitchen confidential

2008-10-26T10:05:00.000+08:00

mr. anthony bourdain,

i love you! thank you for coming to the philippines.

i hope you get to try at least 80% of the food in this awesome list cooked-up by paul catiang.

when you do try the lechon (which i'm sure you will, given your love of Its Succulency, Mr. Peeeg) - sample both the luzon kind and the cebu variety. pair mr. lechon-peeeg with bottles of beer, san miguel and red horse (my personal choice)!

try the kare-kare. be generous with your bagoong. have bagoong from different locales - manila bagoong, pampanggueno bagoong, ilocano bagoong.

and yes, don't leave out the puto, kuchinta, and biko.

again, iloveyou mucho. enjoy your stay in the philippines. and whatever they tell you, never belt "my way" in any street videoke.

much girlish love and adoration, nyel

p.s. maybe i'll get to stalk you soon. i hope i bump into you when i someday travel to new york. expect a hug from me. (don't worry, i'll most likely ask for permission first.)

year-end resolutions

2008-10-20T16:44:00.000+08:00

1. Lessen obsessing over things, spend more time acting on them.

2. Try not to let the house (and other things related) gather dust again.

***

Must-dos the first half of 2009:

1. Go home.

2. Leave some more to set foot in other cities and towns.

3. Then come home and get a dog.

What Peter Pan had to do with my short trip home

2008-10-13T19:04:00.000+08:00

May theory ang matalino kong syota na, "garbage in, garbage out," kaya siguro dahil puro katamaran ang iniinhale ko nitong mga nakaraang linggo, katamaran din ang dinidighay, binubuga at inuutot ko. Oh well. Let's try to shake off the laziness and do something productive here. Let's catch up! Hullo, my faithful onion-peeler blog.

Getting Over My Fear of Airports and Being Home

One day and a month ago, I was in that airplane en route home. Giddy and excited, I couldn't wait for the plane to finally land so I can run the length of NAIA, gather my things fast, and give my aunt, who I'm sure was waiting outside, the moment's tightesthuginthewholecity.

As soon as the plane landed, I jumped to my feet, got my stuff from the overhead compartment, and was just about prepared to remove anyone standing between me and my love(s). Until finally -- the sight of mousy brown interiors so unlike any other airports in the world colors my view. Hello, Manila! I've missed you.

Doctor-cousin-Jengot was waiting for me outside. And then, we proceed to exchange the tightest hug we've ever given each other in all the 22years we've been cousins.

Let the mush-fest begin!

Finding rhythm

Earlier today, I was chatting with a cousin over at YM. She was telling me how recently she has been feeling like an absolute wallflower. But in the whole 25 years I've known her, "boring" or "uninteresting" would probably be the last adjectives I'd associate with her. She kicks major men's ass playing basketball, never had trouble using her wit, and has been to so many amazing places I can only dream of exploring, so she certainly doesn't need help in the interesting department. However, I do think her present environment isn't doing much to make her more interesting.

I think when people stay in a lackluster environment for so long, especially when they keep to themselves for a long stretch of time, there's a tendency to burn out and just let yourself fade. Like you forget how it is to be the person in your old photos, the one smiling genuinely because you're someplace that feels so comfortable.

Embracing Familiar Objects

The first morning in my old room was both strange and familiar. A bit strange because, heller, I slept in my old room! In a new bed! And the walls have been repainted hospital-green! How my old room looks now certainly is weird, mukha syang supot-na-joke, but I could forgive whoever did that to her because I was just glad to be waking up in a very safe place; one that knows no insomnia and offers the kind of weather that was far from being alien.

(It's bedtime, let me fastrack a bit) Seeing friends bit by bit, getting to bug my titas, receiving hugs from Marco, inhaling the air, walking around UP, conversing with manong taxi drivers were like taking these small steps leading to Maniel. Not to say that they've led me to "rediscovering the old nyel," definitely not because in the course of a year, it's only logical to expect that things would be different -- look what it has done to my old room (made it look like a joke! heheh), to my old familiar Munoz feels new (which underwent a major upgrade - it now boasts of a cinema-equipped Walter Mart!), and to the people I was only too happy to see.

So, no, it wasn't a trip that made me "rediscover my old self". But it was rather similar to Peter Pan seeing his old shadow again, chasing after it, then catching it, and, finally, sewing it on the soles of his feet just so he could walk with more ooomph knowing he has the shadow following him.

There's nothing like a 10-day-break to regain the spring in your steps you have been sorely missing.

Postscript 1: Sorry sa mga hindi ko na nakontak, like Emma, JPaul, Polly, Ian, Charls, Claire and Rach. Kinapos lang talaga kasi sa oras. Promise, babawi ako sa January. :)

Postscript 2: Art studies posse, I left my SD card, the one with all our photos, in Manila. Paumanhin. Um, popost ko na lang next year. :D

post-osakaquickie

2008-10-02T17:18:00.000+08:00

jeezezit!

2008-09-12T03:55:00.000+08:00

mad packing frenzy aside, i really am happy (too happy, in fact) to be coming home. ten months is just too long to be away.

oh, and i did get to vacuum and do a gazillion other things before leaving the fukui home. now, one more class to get through and then i'm off.

**do pray for my trip. and i'll probably (reallyreally, not-just-for-pleasantry) see you soon. ;)

boarding fish

2008-09-10T19:08:00.000+08:00

supposed to fly in in less than 2 days but i'm too frakkin' busy to feel psyched. today i worked 13 hours straight that i neglect: (a) feeding my facebook dog, (b) doing facebook mob jobs (c) deciding how and where to pack my clothes and (d) what i'll wear to the airport. (cries in panic).

last year's flashback of that time i checked in isn't helping either. last year, my baggage was about 3kgs too heavy. had to unload stuff (well, bags of chocolate) crouched in one corner near the check-in counter. oh the horror. (cringes in shame and prays to the airport gods it doesn't happen this year).

in panic, i might end up at the airport without a passport, without money, or without a clue how to get to the airport from nagoya (sudden amnesia!). and at the airport, what do i do with my fatgiantbag before it's time to check in? i don't really want to spend a penny on those expensive lockers but i want to be like those cool passengers at the airport, the kind with teeny-tiny baggages. plus, i haven't really written a word to start that green raket, which leads me to think i'll probably be working while on vacation. and i don't really want to vacation home with a flu, with a guilt-inducing deadline or with my period (which tends to dropby when it's most inconvenient).

somehow i ended up with a big bag chocfull of japanese pasalubs again. i think i need help, i suspect i'm a souvenir whore.

Superficial II: Frailty at Pablo Gallery, Cubao Expo

2008-09-08T10:16:00.000+08:00

I'm about 4 work-filled days away from home. Looking forward to seeing everyone, eating plenty (chinese dimsums, i'll chew you soon!), and getting my fill of gigs and exhibits. This one should be REALLY good:

Superficial ll: Frailty - a group show featuring the works of 33 female artists opening September 13, Saturday 7pm at Pablo Gallery, Cubao Expo.

The participating artists are:

Carina Almonte, photographer / Jessica Antonio, student, visual artist / Cynthia Arre, graphic designer / Bru, visual artist, graphic designer, Electrolychee / Mara Bernaldo, video director, motion graphics editor / Mica Cabildo, visual artist, musician, graphic designer Team Manila / Bea Camacho, visual artist / Denise Castillo, video director, motion graphics editor / Abi Dacayap, illustrator, graphic designer Osomundo / Liza Flores, illustrator, graphic designer / Lala Gallardo, set designer, illustrator, graphic designer Team Manila / Marie Gan, visual artist / Garovs Garrovillo, stylist, graphic designer EveryWhereWeShoot / Abi Goy, illustrator, graphic designer / Honey Hipe, graphic designer / Wiji Lacsamana, illustrator, graphic designer / Ene Lagunzad, mixed media artist, musician / Hannah Liongoren, interior designer, graphic designer / Mitch Mauricio, photographer / Feanne Mauricio, student, visual artist / Jhoan Medrano, graphic designer, illustrator / Gabie Osorio, visualizer, craft artist / Katwo Puertollano, illustrator, musician, graphic designer 27+20 / Genie Ranada, mixed media artist / Sunshine Reyes, photographer, writer / Pepper Roxas, illustrator, graphic designer / Sharon See, stylist, craft artist / Mia Singson, visual artist / Joyce Tai, graphic designer Inksurge / Lette Teodosio, graphic designer / Pauline Vicencio, photographer, motion designer Acid House Post / Shawn Yao, photographer / MM Yu, visual artist, photographer

(Posters and text grabbed from graphic designer extraordinare Cynthia Arre's multiply page)

let the countdown begin

2008-08-22T05:27:00.000+08:00

I've been away for more than 9 months. Grabe, miss ko na LAHAT ng pwedeng mamiss -- traffic, streets/highways with no sense of order, crazy packed malls, laughterlaughterlaughter, gigs(!), beer, bumming around with ghastly expensive cups of coffee, KYUSI, cubao, makati, manila, arguing, UP, sisig, isaw, church, FRIENDS(mine checo anji trixie jess avie laya frannie yayo randel ian ian manoxchix rom grace paul manoxboys gwen etcetcetc!!!), OYEKS, Marco and the Harders.

Shet, hindi nako makapagantay. thue-ni-wahn days tah ghooOo!

fear

2008-08-14T19:26:00.000+08:00

You know how some people live with the fear that one day they’d wake up realizing that they’ve fallen out of love with someone? That when that finally happens, they would know what a terrible thing it is their mind has done. Maybe part of them would lament the loss, they'd feel betrayed, but no matter how sincerely sorrowful they are, there is nothing they could do to bring back what has slipped away and all they’re left with is a feeling of helplessness.

I grapple with a similar fear. But my version is that one day I would wake up and I would forget my father: how his voice sounds like, how his eyes could carry so much amusement, wisdom, and intensity, the shape of his brown glasses, the clothes he used to wear - a shirt with a side pocket, brown, gray, or blue slacks, the way he walked, and how kindly he spoke towards me and other people.

Truth is, I’ve forgotten most of his jokes. All I remember is that he used to make me laugh, but I can't recall how. So I’m scared that in this state of slow deterioration, one day all his memories would disappear. That he would fade and become just a tiny, optional footnote.

My mind could erase him in many different ways. Like, one day, maybe it would refuse to echo back to me the way Papa used to say my name or his peculiar way of pronouncing, “hambur-ger.” And, in an act of betrayal, I would stop holding on to the last lingering look he gave - me in a telephone booth decked in stupid adolescent rebellion, while he was outside, gazing at me in his blue hospital robe with a look that encapsulated the saddest and yet most hopeful gaze he alone could probably give me in this lifetime.

I'm scared that as I go on with my life, as I become wrapped up in my responsibilities as an adult and as I take on new roles, my memories of him would suffer in the process. That eventually the daughter in me would die so it could give way to another person. Someone more whole; someone lighter, someone less fragmented.

when you can't decide, consult the tarot

2008-08-05T13:50:00.000+08:00

keywords: going home crossroads staying leaving

Three of Wands in the "Self" Position

Main (positional) Meaning:
You are prepared to take risks to explore new opportunities or enterprises.

The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.

When the Three of Wands is in this position an adventure is about to be set in motion. This card represents the burning drive that compels a person to risk his or her worldly fortunes for a chance at greatness. Committed to a plan of action, you have gathered resources and designed the step by step procedure.

An enterprising spirit inspires you to strike out in this new direction rather than stay with the status quo. Now you can confidently set out on this journey of exploration and hopefully, enrichment.

The Magician in the "Situation" Position

Main (positional) Meaning:
Allow genius to operate in this situation and creative solutions are sure to arise.

The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.

Allow imagination and originality to operate in this situation and creative solutions are sure to arise. People become less judgmental in a stimulating atmosphere.

This is a good time to become involved with a person of genius who can intuitively transform chaos into a higher order. The situation at hand provides fertile ground for unorthodox approaches. It looks like it's going to be a fun ride.

The Lovers

in the "Challenges/ Opportunities" Position

Main (positional) Meaning:
Opposites can be brought into harmony.

The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.

The Lovers challenge you to distill the best from seeming opposites and create a new mixture. Rather than thinking of them as opposing each other, consider these two elements as right and left hands.

Harmonize these opposites and you will heal a rift that will greatly expand your awareness. If you pit one side against the other, however, you will slide back into unconsciousness. Share whatever you learn from this experience.

***

So in this current situation, what is the status quo? What is the "unorthodox decision"? And how do I harmonize the opposites? *bangs head against the wall* I wish I could have more obvious answers, even though I know in the end, my decision would prevail. I'm just not sure if they're always the wisest/right one.

Any thoughts, closet tarot-lovers?

RU Listening?

2008-07-16T11:16:00.002+08:00

Yes, I am. And you should, too! Catch The Purplechickens and band friend, Ang Bandang Shirley, perform at the "RU Listening Tour" on JULY 25 at 6Underground on Pearl Drive.

(Plus, plus The Wuds and UpDharmaDown will also be there. Seriously, may mas masaya + sulit pa bang gimik dito?)

Entrance at P50 with free flowing vodka? Hello???

Continue voting and requesting for "Girl of Frost" by texting MSGRJURGirl of Frost by The Purplechickens to 2959.

(reposting this from armycraeg)

I’ve got romance on the brain and it starts with the letter P

2008-07-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

(An overdue music meme from no1fan)

1. (The) Path of the Wind (piano version)

From the anime Totoro. Like Cat-bus and Totoro, this composition is a bottomless pit of calm and cheer. It saw me through numerous frustrations + bouts of homesickness late last year and unfailingly took care of me. In a nutshell, it’s a companion P: pantawid-lungkot.

2. Piazza, New York Catcher

I’ve never been big on weddings but always did think eloping is romantic. I love the mix of naiveté and cynicism present in this song. To me, it’s about 2 people doing something possibly scandalous, and they do it not in the (abused) name of love but for the promise of adventure.

Elope with me, Miss Private, and we’ll sail around the world
I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl
How many nights of talking in hotel rooms can you take?
How many nights of limping around on pagan holidays?
Oh, elope with me in private and we’ll set something ablaze
A trail for the devil to erase

(…)

I love you, I’ve a drowning grip on your adoring face
I love you, my responsibility has found a place

(…)

I wish that you were here with me to pass the dull weekend
I know it wouldn’t come to love, my heroine pretend
(...)

Meet you at the statue in an hour

3. Para sa Masa (The Eraserheads)

Naalala nyo pa ba?

Binigyan namin kayo ng ligaya.

In the post-Eheads breakup years, this song has always struck me as an impending goodbye song. In it I hear the band struggling to bring back to the consciousness of the audience how they were once significant to their lives. It’s like a song about an affair that’s on the verge of ending because the parties no longer held the same priorities, no longer cared for the same things, or one of them chose to change. The chords and lyrics contain immeasurable frustration, disappointment, sadness.

Now I hear they’re reuniting in a concert touted to be legendary. Admittedly, I’m bummed because there’s really no way I’d be able to go. I think of all the years I fervently wished they’d play just one set, just one secret surprise gig and now it’s happening! Just great, it’s on the year I’m not home. I do hope that when the four of them share the stage again, they’ll do so sans any tinge of animosity because it’s not just about hearing the old songs being played and sung by the original lineup. You know what would really make the day legendary is if we see them sincerely enjoying playing together again.

(Another thing, I hope the buzz about Marlboro being the company behind this “legendary” event turns out to be just a legend.)

4. Paperbag (Fiona Apple)

Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love.

Because no one has to endure something so pointless.

5. (The) Perfect Love Song (The Divine Comedy)

This is love whistle sent through YM and serves as a reminder that though I may not be the best gambler there is, there's that one lucky day I did manage to score the jackpot.

Give

Me your love
And I'll give you
The perfect lovesong.
With a divine Beatles bassline
And a big old Beach Boys sound.
I'll match you pound for pound.
Like heavy-weights in the final round,
We'll hold on to each other
So we don't fall down.

aug 30

2008-07-13T11:25:00.000+08:00

excuse me while i weep.

Sugarcane

2008-07-03T11:20:00.000+08:00

I will never forget the 1^st time I tasted this humble drink. It was sometime in the 80s in a little hole-in-the-wall FujiFilm shop in Ongpin St. in Chinatown, Manila.

My Dad and I were traversing our regular route. From Zacateros St., we would walk along Alonzo then Ongpin St., passing through numerous hardware shops, pipe and tube stores, pet shops and a fire station until we reach Sta. Cruz. The distance usually takes about 30 minutes on foot. While walking, I would be gawking at the very Chinese-looking people manning the stores, marveling at the cacophony of their rapid Fookien and wondering what they were saying. From time to time, to the tune of my Daddy saying “Jump!” my legs hefty with kiddie muscles would manage to make big leaps to avoid tripping on the logs being unloaded to the various hardware stores. I endured that section of the mercantile street on foot only because next to it came my favorite part: the traders who specialized in pipes and faucets! As we passed by the pipe shops, I would gleefully stretch out one of my bony arms to feel the strong and cold force of the water gushing from the shiny pipes and faucets. And then, after walking some more, I would beg my old man to carry me again. In the chaotic district that was 80s-era Chinatown, being cradled by my Dad’s arms made everything feel safe.

Aside from begging him to carry me, I would also usually complain of thirst. That day, my Dad didn’t immediately stop to get me a drink. He told me to wait. Whether I was actually thirsty then or just looking for an excuse to drink Coca Cola or ice water escapes me now, but that warm day, I think I bugged him twice or thrice more than the usual, not understanding why I was being made to endure the thirst.

Clearly, my Dad had something planned. Somewhere along the walk from Zacateros to Ongpin, he must have thought the time was just ripe to let his daughter have her first sip of sugarcane.

The store that sold sugarcane lay somewhere near the Ongpin arch, just a few blocks after the fire station, and a few meters away from where we would wait for jeepneys that would bring us to Quiapo, then home to Munoz. We usually bought stuff there before or after the walk to/from Zacateros - like a pack of Hi-C juice, a plastic pouch of Coke or some cigs for my father. Of the numerous times I accompanied my Dad to his office, the two of us mostly ignored those stacks of cut sugarcane pipes. From time to time, I would wonder to myself what those cut bamboo-like shoots were used for or how the yellow-greenish juice tasted like. Sometimes I’d even sneakily touch the dried sugarcane, but I never really got curious enough to bug my father to let me try it.

For all the ingenuity of being the only store to sell sugarcane juice and sugarcane in that busy and hectic street, the little FujiFilm shop lacked any aggressive signage promoting their unique product. Instead of screaming banners, they just put out a sign written on the back of an empty cigarette carton pack that said, “Sugarcane, S - P 2.50, M - 5.00, L - P 10.00.” From what I remember, their major trade was the selling and developing of film rolls, while specializing in a bevy of other rakets. And the well-used up space reflected these concerns. Walls lined with photos of That’s Entertainment stars, shelves filled with stacks of batteries and films of different brands, types and ISOs took up about two-thirds of the space. The remaining third crammed a mini sari-sari, where a pedestrian can buy candies, like Stork, Snowbear (?),White Rabbit (the kind imported from China), some cigarettes, as well as a variety of other refreshments. I’m sure banana cue and even fishballs had also been tenants of the store at one point, tempting pedestrians and camera enthusiasts alike.

“Natikman mo na ba yung sugarcane, Niel?”

“Hindi pa.”

“Gusto mo?”

“Ayaw.” (After all, it was green. It looked like a veggie, never mind the “sugar” part)

And then (my curiosity got the better of me), “Ano ba yun, Papa? Sarap? Sige.”

First sip and it was love. I looked at my Dad, my face conveying a mixture of glee and shock. How was it possible that something so ticklishly amazing could come out of a plain-looking green tubo? I was stunned not only by how sweet it was but also by how unimaginably refreshed my throat felt after one gulp. This was definitely better than Coca Cola and it sure was worth the lengthy walk and the long wait. From that day onwards, I made sure to have my Dad buy me a cup whenever we would pass by the Ongpin arch, to the point that I got tired of it and had him stop buying me one. But eventually, I’d come around and start craving for a cool cup again.

This, as well as other stories, confirms how everything my Dad did was just tinged with magic. Whenever I would try to grasp memories of the man, I would be reminded of him by the little things he left me with. No, they are not material gifts, a great inheritance nor a precious heirloom, but rather a way of looking at things; of experiencing them. That humid afternoon in Ongpin, I would be discovering a new favorite drink; one I’d be having a lifetime love affair with. And in a sense, I owe this great fondness for sugarcane to him. Maybe the fact that he made me endure the thirst and heat made that first sip an extraordinarily sweet one because, come to think of it, never had sugarcane tasted as good as it did that afternoon, almost two decades ago.

missing the oyeks

2008-06-08T07:04:00.000+08:00

found an old family photo while clearing my lappy-clutter. taken during one of our clan dinners. we would have these spontaneous get togethers when, i.e., someone comes home, somebody's turned a year older, or someone's about to go away (again).

of my cousins, at least 3 of us are working overseas. there's debbie (standing, 5th person from the left) who's in taiwan, alex (standing behind me, 2nd person from the right) who's in the US, and me. me-ann and jojo (couple in black, beside debbie) met and got married in the states but has since come back because they decided it's better to raise their family in the Philippines. they're dad and mom to 2 of my prettiest nieces, too -- lauren (the girl debbie's carrying) and nicole (front, seated, in white).

three of our cousins (jeffrey, julie and sallie) have gotten married and permanently relocated abroad -- in Canada, Russia, and San Francisco, repsectively. come to think of it, parang coming-of-age ritual samin ang paglalayag. must be our inner migrants (the o'yek patriarch and matriarch came from china).

since this photo, two babies have been added and the rest have been growing. (& i'm missing it! shets.)

*note to self: i looked so much thinner here! there goes my next hair-goal.

sleeplessness is a bitch and nightmare, its accomplice

2008-05-13T09:13:00.000+08:00

On my previous blog post, I complained about badly wanting to go home. But I also said when I wake up the next morning, I'd probably be telling myself that "things are still okay and I should hang on until October because, hey, it'll be here before I even know it."

But this morning, there was no logical wake up moment because last night there was no sleep. Imagine lying in bed at 12 and 4 hours later, you're still there, wide awake. Tried counting sheep, counting months, counting every option I have -- but that usually never works anyway. It just wastes away precious minutes. San napunta ang oras? Nakahiga lang ako, and then, poof! 4 am na.

Somewhere between 12 and 4, I did the usual -- turned on the TV, tuned in to CNN, waiting for it to lull me to sleep. But nope. My CNN wasn't cooperating. If anything, the recent environmental tragedies - the Myanmar cyclone, the China earthquake - just made me more restless and paranoid.

---

A week ago, I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was in a big old house with lots of room. And in each room was a different personal terror. In Room A, my 2 aunts were lying side-by-side. One of them has been sick for a long time and in my dream, this aunt looked very sallow and was reed thin. I came up to her and touched her arms, almost skeletal, and the skin I touched was papel de hapon thin, really delicate, with the translucent color of onion paper. She didn't say a word and I coudn't make out the usual kind expression on her face.

Two other rooms held 2 different terrors, both of which seem a bit silly now. One had a friend I was hoping would offer comfort (I just came from the scary room), but the friend laughed at me instead. The third room had one of my junior high learner matched up with this high level boy with a British accent. And I had no idea how/what to teach them. And all throughout the dream, as I ran from room to room, I was frantically searching for my Dad. I was so sure he was still alive. But I couldn't find him anywhere. Later on, I would find out he died but nobody told me.

---

If something terrible should happen in Quezon City or Metro Manila, do I want to be here, away from everyone? Nope. I'd rather be buried alive, swallowed by the Earth, or drown with the rest of you rather than have the more "fortunate" option of escaping tragedy. Likewise, if something tragic should happen to this place, I don't want to be part of the body count.

---

Last week, I almost snapped at a low level student. And it made feel really bad because she's really cute and usually sweet. In the past, even though it was kind of a challenge to teach her, I'd usually be up to the task. Maybe I was more impatient than usual that day. I think that day in class I was more attuned to my needs and wants at the moment than her then-present need to learn English. I suck.

I have this theory that for teachers to be able to teach well in class, they should completely not listen to themselves and instead, like a mother beast, listen, observe, and be fully attuned to what their students are saying and not saying.

---

Lately, I've been feeling as if I'm just going through the motions beybeh. Sleepwalking through the weekdays, if you may. Sabi ni queerestofthequeer, she misses her self. Ako, I just miss my friends. I've been alone for too long now. A fortnight ago, I was chatting with Gwen, and out of the blue, we talked about colors. I complimented her recent photography work, saying the colors on her photos were as happy as an array of watercolor chips. And then she responded by saying how she thinks vibrant reds and greens just blend so well with the Antipolo sun. and then I remember how I used to have all these color talks with my artist friends. One of them, an architect/photographer, would tell me how the color blue attracts mosquitoes. And how does he know, you ask? Well, he knows because he observed it. "That's why you shouldn't wear blue if you're the type who always gets bitten by mosquitoes." I direly need these color talks.

---

And yeah, part of the sadness is the feeling that I've mostly milked this experience for what it's worth already. domesticated? check. spent time with mom? check. (feeling ko nga nagsasawa na sya sakin. :p) End of this month, Manyel-in-Japan is turning 10 months. She has somehow fought off homesickness. Loneliness kicks in with the realization that there's nothing much to look forward to anymore.

(well, there is. pero parang malaking balakid ang work. :p)

if i could just stop considering EVERY little thing

2008-05-12T18:52:00.000+08:00

i will quit and take that early flight home.

gadget crush: creative zen

2008-04-30T13:16:00.000+08:00

why it's more attractive than the ipod (to me at least): long time mp3 crush, ipod nano, requires installation of iTunes, which, according to one of Kjwankitty's previous blog entry, can be such a headache when you're reinstalling your personal workhorse of a computer. so creative zen's windows drag and drop feature is a big come on. i just want compact music-on-the-go (naks, "music on the go" -- how yuppy does that sound?), not something that would make my laptop's life even more complicated.

Not only does the Creative Zen have add-ons like an fm radio, a voice recorder, and video playback, it also boasts of having an expandable SD Card slot and a sleep timer! And I'm a sucker for sleep timers! I go to sleep with the TV on (a necessity when the person living above you fancies exercising in the dead of night) and have, for countless times, wished my radio has a similar sleep timer function.

does anyone own one? someone you know owns one? how is it? (would really appreciate personal reviews.)

IPod vs. Creative - let's slug it out!

take a leap.

2008-04-08T19:19:00.000+08:00

i eat like a truck driver.

2008-04-01T08:08:00.000+08:00

seriously, nyel. you start eating at 12.10 and finish at 1. you wolf down in one sitting nearly all the 1 takal of rice you've supposedly alloted for the whole day! you should listen to your mother more and stop deluding yourself: cook 2 takals/day instead.

oh, and maybe it's not a good idea to chat while you eat. thinking ups your demand for carbo and makes you lose count. your math skills have become rusty, remember?

---

it's 1:05 now. excuse yourself and make that mochi for dessert.

scatterbrained.

2008-03-12T12:42:00.000+08:00

ngrrgnekrnkfljsnlekrnlekfmlskdnrienklmfne.

freaky first world - scars, limbs, and regrets

2008-03-11T11:41:00.000+08:00

One

In Fukui, there's someone (could be one person, could be a gang of psychos) walking around victimizing innocent pedestrians. The crime: slashing the poor person's face and leaving permanent scars.

The first reported incident actually happened at the big park near my house (not the small one in my photos). I actually went there to jog by my lonesome a week before said incident.

Seriously scaring the hell out of me. Unlike the psychopath stories from pasig, this one's actually true.

Recently, the man struck again -- inside a mall! He was caught (of course), but there could be others like him.

Two

A story making the headlines these days: wife kills husband. Make that physically abused and emotionally battered wife finally saying ENOUGH! And then hitting her husband with a beer bottle on the head before proceeding to chop off his husband's limbs all the while talking to a friend on the phone describing each thing she's doing.

The catch: husband and wife were married professionals. They live in a very nice apartment in Tokyo. You could say they're rich even by Japanese standards. Both are quite goodlooking and young (29 and 31 y.o.).

Cultural tidbit: in Japan, they don't even perform organ transplants because it's against their religion. So I wonder how the chop-chop act makes the issue of body defilement worse.

Three

Early this morning, we were talking about regrets.

And one student tells this story:

A son of a family acquaintance holds a degree in Architecture. He graduated from Kyodai University (Kyoto University), one of the bestuniversities here (second only to Tokyo University, they say). Thing is, he wanted to change his career path and become a doctor. He was bent on studying medicine at Kyodai so he persistently took the examinations. He didn't pass the first time. Nor did he make it the 2nd time. Not even the 3rd.

Exam results were released the other day on the internet. Yesterday, poor guy hanged himself.

TutoK:2talk Creative Convergence -- music, poetry, live art, art-speak, impromptus, installations, atbp.

2008-02-26T15:55:00.000+08:00

(Repost from Frannie's site. Pupuntahan ko to if I were there. )

Hey everyone, you're all invited to

TutoK:2talk Creative Convergence February 26-29, 2008
@ SAMBALIKHAAN grounds (pls refer to map)

2Talk Creative Convergence happens this February
National Arts Month 2008.

Music, poetry, live art, impromptus, installations,
grafitti, and video-- all happening at Sambalikhaan
from February 27 to 29.

tutoK:2talk creative convergence February 26-29, 2008

bulong
a prelude to TUTOK:2TALK creative convergence

organize by bulungan collective

The Rooftop, Metropolitan Tower
1746 Mabini Street, Malate, Manila
February 16, 2008, 8:00pm-12:00mn

opening night: tutok kargado
tutoK takes on charged works and responses to the gallery collection

Jose Tence Ruiz
Buen Calubayan
Mideo M. Cruz
Noel Soler Cuizon
Boy Dominguez
Alfred Esquillo, Jr.
Egai Talusan Fernandez
Karen Ocampo Flores
Emmanuel Garibay
J Pacena II
Kirby Roxas
Don Salubayba
Mark Ramsel Salvatus III

Curated by Jose Tence Ruiz

Ateneo Art Gallery,
Rizal Library, Ateneo de Manila University,
Loyola Heights , Quezon City
February 26, 2008, 6:30 p.m.

bull session
Round table discussion on globalization and altered/alternative aesthetics. Featuring local and visiting artists.

Facilitated by Eileen Legaspi-Ramirez

Sambalikhaan, Asian Institute for Liturgy and Music (AILM)
275 E. Rodriguez Avenue, Quezon City
February 27, 2008, 3:00 to 6:00pm

surfacing
tarps and photos: essaying our decaperacidos

Estan Cabigas
Enrimand "Manman" Dejeto
Kenneth Guda
Diana Moraleda
Sandino Nartea
Judy Pasimio
Joseph Purugganan
Ilang-Ilang Quijano
Candice Anne Reyes
Leonard Reyes
Dennis Rito
Marc Talampas
Jenny Tañedo
Alanah Torralba

Curated by Nino Tagaro and Jes Aznar

Sambalikhaan Grounds
February 27-29, 2008

environmental state
installation projects on mental/ecological states

Clint Catalan
Rainer Cruz
Don Dalmacio
Dondi Fernandez
Enteng and Dessa Laput
Leeroy New
Leobensant Marquez
Marlon And Kelly Paraganas
Niel Pasilan
Alma Quinto
Oliver Ramos
Sawsawan
Paul Sena
Angelo Suarez
Wire Tuazon
Ugat-LAHI
Costantino Zicarelli

Curated by Buen Calubayan

Sambalikhaan Grounds
February 27-28, 2008

visual pollution
an infestation of (de)synthesized video installations

Anino Shadow Play Collective
Artist Arrest Movement
Elvert de la Cruz Bañares
Sigfried Barros-Sanchez
Ramon Bautista
Herbert Commendador
Khavn Dela Cruz
Ivan Despi
Tad Ermitaño
Ging Flores
Lea Lim
Treb Monteras II
Jet Pascua
RA Rivera
Jemina Rodriguez
Jun Sabayton
Rights
Southern Tagalog Exposure
Syke Dolero

Curated by J Pacena II

Sambalikhaan Grounds
February 28-29, 2008

common spot
spot-on urban graffiti invades idyllic setting

Pilipinas Street Plan (Philippines)
Killer Gerbil (Singapore)
Gene Pendon (Canada)
Ebliss (Malaysia)
BCBrutta (Spain)

Curated by Mark Ramsel Salvatus III

Sambalikhaan Grounds
February 28-29, 2008

surf plus shop
artists’ knickknacks on parade: art, food, books, etc.
Just bring ur stuff!

Sambalikhaan Grounds
February 28-29, 2008

authorize extremist
live art presentations by local and visiting artists

Buen Calubayan (Manila Philippines)
Nick Aca (Cagayan de Oro Philippines)
Ioana Gergescu (Quebec Canada)
Jef Carnay (Manila Philippines)
Noel Cuizon (Manila Philippines)
Soni Kum (Seoul Korea)
Shannon Cochrane (Ontario Canada)
Arai Shin-ichi (Tokyo Japan)
Mideo M Cruz (Manila Philippines)

Curated by Racquel de Loyola

Sambalikhaan grounds
February 28, 2008 3:00 to 9:00 pm

impromptus
open mike for all sorts of live and livid actions

Curated by Jef Carnay

Sambalikhaan grounds
February 29, 2008, 3:00 to 6:00pm

pasakalye
musicians feting all artists in an acoustic ensemble

Cynthia Alexander
Bobby Balingit
Lolita Carbon
Jess Santiago
Skarlet
Syke Dolero
Aya Yuson

Curated by JL Burgos and Mavi Deocampo

Sambalikhaan Amphitheatre
February 29, 2008 7:00 to 9:00pm

a grown-up finds herself with nothing better to do

2008-02-26T05:42:00.000+08:00

grabbed from marco the boyfriend:

Place an X beside the item that applies to you, and add them up. The sum will be your supposed mental age.

[] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] I keep track of dates using a calendar....
[] own more than one credit card....
[] I know how to change the oil in my car.
[x] I can do my own laundry.
[x] I vote every election.
[x] I can cook for myself.
[x] I think politics are exciting.
[x] I balance my checkbook.

Total: 6

[x] I show up for school/college/work every day early.
[x] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse. (Plus, I have a stash in my office teacher desk and one at home, too.)
[] I've never gotten a detention. (wala namang detention sa pilipinas, anubuh!)
[] I have never smoked a cigarette. (Make that 404 sticks to date.)
[] I have never gotten completely trashed.
[] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once. (hey, a manyel birthday is a manyel holiday!)
[x] I like to take walks by myself.
[x] I watch talk shows.
[x] I know what "credibility" means without looking it up.
[x] I drink coffee at least once a week. (More like twice a day at least.)

Total: 6

[x] I know how to do the dishes.
[x] I can count to 10 in another language. (Three other languages, actually.)
[x] When I say I'm going to do something I do it. (Eventually.)
[] I can mow the lawn. (If I had a lawn.)
[x] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
[] I remember to water the plants.
[x] I study only when I have to.
[x] I pay attention at work.
[] I remember to feed my pets/child.

Total: 6

[x] I can spell "experience" without looking it up.
[] I work out on a regular basis.
[x] I clean up my own mess.
[] The people at Starbucks know me by name.
[] My favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] I have gained weight since high school.

[x] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need.
[x] I understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] I can type quickly.

Total: 7

[x] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour. (since living in gray Fukui, I've had my fair share of necessary weather-talk and weather-greet)
[] My only friends are from my place of employment. (heck, no!)
[] I have been to a tupperware party. (How 70's, far out! Probably a cup and saucer-party in the future)
[] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[] I have more bills than I can pay.
[] Almost all my friends are older than I am.
[x] I can say no to staying out all night.
[x] I use the internet every day.
[] My wardrobe hasn't changed in a while.
[x] i can read a book and actually finish it. (

Total: 4

Nyel's mental age: 29 (I'm OLD! Sh*t.)

namimiss ko kasi kayo

2008-01-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

(and because i'm too stubborn to sleep)

http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" bgcolor="#000" width="140" height="173" src="http://res0.esnips.com/escentral/images/widgets/flash/head_move.swf" flashvars="autoPlay=no&theFile=http://www.esnips.com//nsdoc/51af7396-f194-492d-a9ab-8d92fe0bad0e&theName=Belle and Sebastian - If She Wants Me&thePlayerURL=">http://res0.esnips.com/escentral/images/widgets/flash/mp3WidgetPlayer.swf">

Belle and Sebastia...

airavyou, yUPiiii! (bumigay na rin)

2008-01-16T07:28:00.000+08:00

Sige na nga, join the bandwagon. Happy birthday, UP dearest!

1. Student number?
00-57906

2. College?
CSSP
CAL

3. Course?
BA Sociology, then
BA Art Studies, then
MA Art History (awol, ohno)

4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kickout?
Nag-transfer

5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT?
Sa BS Chem

6. Favorite GE subject?
Kom 2 (unang Uno ever :D and i heart Sir Leo Zafra), Hum 1 and Comm 3

7. Favorite PE?
Toss between Fencing and Running. Nag-bowling (duckpin) din ako kaya lang hopeless yata ako sa bowling.

8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot girls/guys sa UP?
(Yak, nakakahiya.) Sa Engg o kaya sa Arki. Well, i did have valid reasons for going to the Arki lib... (ay, tsaka hindi naman pala successful ang hot guy hunting ko.haha)

9. Favorite prof(s)
Madami!
Leo Zafra (isa sya sa mga rason bat ako lumipat ng KAL! :D)
Eloi Hernandez, May Datuin, Robert Paulino
From the GE classes I took, magagaling din sina May Jurilla (did i get her name right?) and Jun Obilye

10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject.
NatSci. hopeless ako sa science pero fun yung klase ni Sir Obilye.

11. Kumuha ka ba ng Wed or Sat classes?
Yep, pumapasok ako ng Wednesdays para libre na yung mondays/thursdays ko. :D

12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba?
Unfortunately, hindi. Kami yung nadamay sa field trip ban.

13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP?
Yep. Champion crammer, yeah.

14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo?
Praxis, Kalinangan, Quill (na parang hindi naman ako seryosong member, hehe), SAPUL (okay, this one's kinda strange - block handler kasi namin sila), Stand-UP. :)

15. Saan ka tumatambay palagi?
Iba't-iba e. Nung 2nd year kami, sa Praxis tambayan lagi. Nung 3rd year, sa Kalinangan yata. Nung 4th year, sa Vinzon's dahil sa USC atsaka sa Quill dahil kay Marco. :)

16. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay?
Bahay.
*Sumubok akong mag-boarding house kaya lang di ako tumagal ng higit isang buwan. Owing to my (non-existent) cooking skills, napurga ako sa kakakain ng Pansit Canton.

17. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun (Given ang mentality mo nung HS ka)?
BroadComm o kaya Film

18. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?
Si Cristine from Psych and si Cristy Hapal, blockmate

19. First play na napanood mo sa UP?
Ooops, forgot.

20. Name the 5 most conyo orgs in UP
JMA? Lingua Franca? :p

21. Name 5 of the coolest orgs/frats/soro in UP.
Praxis, Quill and Kalinangan. :p

22. May frat/soro bang nag-recruit sa yo?
wala. haha. i guess hindi ako sorority type.

23. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch?
Beach House! (hanggang ngayon, sa beach house pa din)

24. Masaya ba sa UP?
Oo naman. Kaya ako pumasok sa UP kasi ang impression ko, lahat ng tao sa UP party mode pero matatalino pa rin. (nadiscover ko na mindset lang pala yung pagiging party. kailangan palang mag-aral. :p)

25. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally?
Yepyep.

26. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council
Lahat yata ng botohan nung undergrad ako + yung wayward MA years ko.

27. Name at least 5 leftist groups in UP
STAND-UP, Anakbayan, LFS (...)

28. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka?
Oo. :D Naging motivation ko ngang mag-aral kasi lahat ng friends ko nag-CS ako lang hindi. :p

29. Kanino ka pinaka-patay sa UP?
Kagaya ng halos lahat ng sumagot nito, hindi ko sasabihin! Matagaaaaal na panahon na yun. ;)

30. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka?
Ateneo
(kung afford lang namin nun o kaya kung na-approve yung scholarship ko - buti na lang hindi. )

...but your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

2008-01-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

What Maniel Grace Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

teacher nightmare

2008-01-10T11:51:00.000+08:00

following my whiny little post about my two brats, it occured to me why that recent class bothered me so much. may kwento e.

when we were in 3rd year high school, we had this Math Enrichment teacher whose name escapes me at the moment (or probably because there's no compelling reason to remember it. haha). So this teacher, Ms. ME, was supposed to handle our Trigo classes. and she absolutely had NO classroom management skills! being (naturally) 3rd year hs brats, she just basically let us run around - she allowed us to switch seats, didn't reprimand us for talking in class, tolerated eating, drinking and turned a blind eye on, get this, cheating. so for people in our class, Ms. ME's time = FREE time.

socatoa lang yata yung natutunan ko dun - and i'm not even sure i got that right. (yes, bobo sa trigo!) but for all the fun that we had under her ME rule, Ms. ME typifies everything I DON'T WANT TO BE as a teacher - a totally uninspired educator who's just resigned to the fact that her students are uninterested in what she has to teach. fMs. ME wasn't merely helpless, she was totally uninspired.

natatakot lang siguro akong maging katulad ni Ms. ME. alam niyo yun -- yung teacher na, siya mismo, naniniwala na wala namang magiging impact yung mga tinuturo nya sa buhay ng mga estudyante niya so hindi na siya mage-effort na gumawa pa ng lesson plans. magpe-petiks na lang sya tuwing class time at magtuturo sa hangin.

:( miserable.

ayokong maging ganung klaseng teacher. and i don't wanna hate teaching. (so what do i do with those two uninterested helpless KSP kids?) somebody save me. hindi ko naman pwedeng gawing jurassic park (presenting me as the predatory T-Rex) yung classroom ko.

needy little children

2008-01-09T11:38:00.000+08:00

are tiring. they drain the life out of a teacher trying her best to be nice. kids who don't want to cooperate shouldn't be forced to study something they're not interested in. moms should just make them stay home and play. or go bring them to the park. or give them endless supply of paper to draw a million dinosaurs.

at some point, inherent cuteness stops being amusing.

worms for the the new year

2007-12-30T07:45:00.000+08:00

the past few days had me nearly hyperventilating. the cause? barely 15minutes after opening my pc, the whole thing would freeze. new processes, folders would refuse to open and the thing just won't properly shut down. i really thought Lappy the pc is giving out on me or has some serious memory problems which i'd be helpless against since:

a.) i didn't bring my installers and drivers here (stupid!)
b.) i wouldn't know how to ask them japanese computer guys to fix my pc problem, and even if i could ask our Japanese school person to help me --
c.) i don't think they'd be too happy to help me fix Lappy, since well, I'm kinda using a pirated program

so like a lover spurned, i was walking around for days worried sick in a state of panic and melodrama. hindi makatulog, hindi makakain, hindi ma-feel ang Happy New Year.

but yay, after a few sleepless nights and bugging the boyfriend to help, finally weeded out what's been causing Lappy's diminished health -- a few worms and 2 viruses. (okay, isa pang stupid move - not having any antivirus programs while brazenly downloading/watching countless TV shows).

which brings me to the point i'd like to make, i really am internet depedent here. it's my social life. my getaway. my version of SM North Edsa here in Fukui. the internet holds one of the key to my staying powers here -- as long as i can talk to my friends online (ym), get updated with some of the more important things going on in their lives, I'll be fine.

hence, the thought that if Lappy dies, being alone and friendless here would become too unbearable. i'd be too miserable. and i'd probably resort to these two desperate options:

a.) pack my bags and leave for home, quick! but well, i can't really do that now since airfares are too expensive because of the holidays. i'd have to wait until february til they're normal again. february? that's a whole month of being internet-less, multiply-less at home. nah, that's way too long.
b.) acquire a new laptop. pero wala pakong budget. *sniff. it'd mean being in debt for a while. which would mean being morally obliged to stay here longer to pay off the new laptop cost. (and i soooo wanna go home!)

so ayun. buti na lang happy ending. well, not quite. i still have to end (a few) processes everytime i log on. but at least now i get a bit of my internet life back. and i can sleep and eat normally again. allow me to say this though: (in jologs arm-raising, finger-pointing mode) SH*T NYO, WORMS, VIRUSES, TROJANS! PH*KYO, y'all! INTERNETSCUMS *^^$%#*^#&^@&* %#*^#&^!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to EVERYONE! :)

liars go to hell

2007-12-16T20:03:00.000+08:00

nyel: gusto ko nang umuwi

che_limjoco: aaaw

che_limjoco: oks lang yan

che_limjoco: mainit dito

che_limjoco:

nyel: mas gusto ko yun! alien ang lamig

nyel: galing akong xmas party tas ok naman, got to hang out w/ students and they were an okay bunch. it's just that they're not people from home

che_limjoco: haha, i know what you mean.. somehow

nyel: nice sila pero alien e.

che_limjoco: hahahha

che_limjoco: minsan naman kahit dito madaming alien e

nyel: tsaka, well, ang "palabas" ng school namin, taga-chicago ako!

nyel: (taas-kilay smiley)

che_limjoco: (laugh-trip smiley)

nyel: totoo! may ganung eklat na kunwari "native speaker" ako. kaya siguro hindi rin ako comfy about sharing too much (w/ the students). ang hirap magsinungaling at gumagawa-gawa ng mga kwento, potah.

nyel: hindi ako consistent. nakakainis.

che_limjoco: (laugh-trip smiley)

che_limjoco: soooo funny

nyel: oo, nakatawa talaga! to think kahit kuko ko hindi pa nga nakakatapak sa Chicago!

che_limjoco: "oh yeah, i lived in chicago for 3 years.. oh, was it 4?"

nyel: actually, hindi lang 3 or 4… 20!

nyel: wah. i hate lying about it. how can you consistently lie about a nonexistent 20-year life?!

che_limjoco: (laughtrip smiley –kanina pa sya tumatawa, at this point masakit na ang tiyan nya)

che_limjoco: omg!

che_limjoco: 20 years??

che_limjoco: so talagang dun ka lumaki, ganun?

nyel: oo, kunwari.

che_limjoco: hahahha

nyel: as in, mare.

che_limjoco: pagbalik mo dito, pathological liar ka na

nyel: ayoko ngang tinatanong ako about my “life in Chicago”

che_limjoco: sabihin mo na lang you don't want to talk about it. coz you don't like your past. like may family issues ek

nyel: true. hindi talaga ako consistent– like dati, ang press release ko, dun ako pinanganak. pero masyadong malaking kasinungalingan kaya pag may bagong nagtatanong, sinasabi ko na lang, nag-“migrate” kami dun when I was 3.

nyel: well, i do say i came back to the Philippines 2 years ago.

che_limjoco: which makes you more in tune with reality

che_limjoco: hahhahaha

nyel: so most of the time i just focus on my wonderful life in the Philippines.

che_limjoco: ye ye, ganun nga!

nyel: feeling ko nga nag-su-suspetsa na yung iba na taga-Pilipinas talaga ako

nyel: (which somehow makes me feel worse because i really don't wanna lie about it)

che_limjoco: hhahahahahaahhaa

che_limjoco: tangina. riot yan!

nyel: i don't really care if they find out what’s true.

nyel: like, yung school naman yung may idea na magsinungaling ako about it.

che_limjoco: hahahah

nyel: so yun, gusto ko nang umuwi.

che_limjoco: hihi

che_limjoco: medyo mahirap nga yun

che_limjoco: pero nakakatawa

nyel: oo, no. at hindi pa yan ang punchline.

che_limjoco: omg! hahahha

che_limjoco: ano???

nyel: apparently, they can't pronounce "maniel"(it'll sound like a twisted version of "manueru"). so I go by my 2^nd name -- "Grace".

che_limjoco: (intense laugh-trip smiley)

nyel: (flashes the loser smiley – for myself)

che_limjoco: rotfl!!!

nyel: ok.instead of letting you just laugh at me, i'll laugh with you now. (tawa, tawa)

che_limjoco: hindi ko alam yan ah. matagal na yan??

nyel: um. since october.

che_limjoco: waaaaaaaaaaaaaahaahahahahhahahha

nyel: tangena, 1 year of this? shet.

che_limjoco: natatawa talaga ako mag-isa, PRAMIS!

nyel: promise raich, ns-stress akong mag-tahi-tahi ng mga kwento.

che_limjoco: sorry ha, hindi ako makaempathize ng maayos, ang hilarious kase

che_limjoco: hahahhahah

nyel: oo, nakakatawa naman talaga e. hindi ko nga makwento dati kasi eto yung tipo ng dilemma na nakakahiya na nakakatawa na nakakaungkot.

che_limjoco: naalala ko hindi ako pumasa sa UPCAT kasi quota course kinuha koi didn't pass by 0.03 points.

nyel: ay potah, sayang!

che_limjoco: inoffer sa akin, creative writing. sabi ko sa sarili ko, magaling na ko magsinungaling, i don't need a degree for it

nyel: (tawa, tawa) bat di mo kinuha?

che_limjoco: e kasi feeling ko ganyan mangyayari sa ken YAN mismong nangyayari sayo.may tendency ako maging schitzo e

Grace Rafael: anubahahahahaa. lost. hindi ko magagap pati tamang emosyon.

che_limjoco: hahahahha

che_limjoco: ANUNG MAGAGAP?? hahahahhaha tanginang tagalog yan

che_limjoco: TAGA PILIPINAS KA NGA!

nyel: hahaha. taga-quezon lang.

nyel: gagap = fathom

nyel: so my canadian co-teacher must think I’m this antisocial colleague

che_limjoco: hahahhahaha

che_limjoco: whut-evaaah!

nyel: che. heheheheh

che_limjoco: hehehehheheh

che_limjoco: sobrang napatawa mo ko hahhahaha

che_limjoco: relak-relak ka lang... isipin mo na lang, it;s the best opp to reinvent yourself

che_limjoco: magagawa mo yung mga gusto mong gawin, etc.

che_limjoco: hirap lang baguhin ang kwento ng past

nyel: true. anyway ayun.

che_limjoco: hahaahah

nyel: actually, korek ka. hindi naman sya depressing. pathetic lang. (taas-kilay smiley)

che_limjoco: tanginang smiley yan hahahahha

The Purplechickens launch Girls, Et Cetera

2007-12-06T18:51:00.000+08:00

And it's going to be a brilliant album, so do drop by. December 13, 9pm at Club Dredd Eastwood. Imago, Duster, and the Lowtechs will also perform.

panahon ng hinagpis

2007-12-05T13:56:00.000+08:00

galing sa blog ni Liam:

Prof. Monico Atienza also passed away this afternoon.

Hindi ako makahinga. Nakakapanghina. Nung freshie palang ako, si Sir Monico ang isa sa mga unang propesor na nakasalamuha ko sa KAL. Kailangan kong gumawa ng paper nun para sa KAS at may nagturo sakin ng kwarto nya. Interbyuhin ko daw tungkol sa First Quarter Storm. Wala pa talaga akong masyadong alam nun tungkol sa mass activism o SR movement. Para talaga akong tanga habang matiyaga akong pinaliliwanagan ni Sir Monico. Hindi ko na masyadong maalala kung ano yung mga eksaktong sinabi o kinuwento nya sa akin, pero natatandaan ko kung gaano ka-impassioned ang Propesor habang nagbabahagi ng partisipasyon nya; partisipasyon nila.

Medyo maswerte pala ako nun kasi natsambahan kong good mood sya. Sa pagdaan ng panahon, malalaman kong may "moods" pala ang Sir Monico. Pero nasa moda man syang nagsusungit, hindi nakakalimot ang butihing matanda na mangamusta. Hindi rin sya nagsasawang magpaliwanag. Isa si Sir Monico sa pinakamagaling at pinakamabuting guro na nakilala ko.

Hindi man lang ako makakapunta sa burol nya. :(

Nasan man sya ngayon, may he rest in peace.

Single? Mingle!

2007-11-27T15:27:00.000+08:00

Posting this for a friend, Len Lo.

---------------

Join My 20 First Dates Speed Dating event!
on November 29, 2007, a Thursday. at the
Soho of Astoria Plaza in Escriva Drive, Ortigas.

This group is for the "Any" Community
for ladies aged 22-29 and
gentlemen aged 25-32

the ticket price is P800 includes
dinner, drinks, 20 dates, prizes and giveaways!

Please visit our website and register at
http://www.my20firstdates.com

This event is brought to you by
GSM Infinit' and Astring-O-Sol Specialist!

--------------

Frannie, ever tried any of these things?

Trix, a different distraction. Might get yourself off books and aussie Bs. :p

Jess, the lucky one might be waiting-to-be-found here!

Anyhoo, for all you know, this might be fun. Try anything once, dears.

(and well, i'm guessing, the guys here might be different from the ones we usually associate with. what the heck, if you have the time and the buck to spare. :p )

while we're at it, miss ko na kayo!

("hi" na rin sa lahat ng nadamay)

turn up the volume, please

2007-11-26T16:49:00.000+08:00

They're finally here!

(Make me an envious witch and attend the launch; it's not every year you get to meet girls who'll sound this good.)

relationship in a slideshow

2007-10-24T19:01:00.000+08:00

http://widget-ac.slide.com/widgets/slideticker.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" quality="high" scale="noscale" salign="l" wmode="transparent" flashvars="cy=mp&il=1&channel=648518346363740332&site=widget-ac.slide.com" style="width:426px;height:320px" name="flashticker" align="middle"/>

relationship in a slideshow

2007-10-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

the start of the housekeeping adventure

2007-10-19T20:07:00.000+08:00

Earlier today, the boss took me to the discount store to buy some curtains and a fold-up bed. My first ever curtains -- fascinating! :p

Because I was feeling girly, I chose the ones in old rose (not the yellows, the blues or the whites -- since it's my house, gotta have a little tinge of pink, bebe!) I'm planning to make my small room a total chick unit. haha.

Homesickness aside, I'm really excited to live on my own. Maybe I will discover a Martha Stewart lurking within me.

;)

Learning to do housework is actually one of the reasons why I wanted to work and live overseas. My bestfriends and boyfriend know how hopeless I am when it comes to taking care of myself - I can't cook to save my life (case in point: I managed to turn kropek into charcoal and pancakes into something my usually matakaw lil' bro just won't touch) and I'm a total slob; totally hopeless when it comes to keeping my room spic-and-span (um...i have too much papers and readings, like those Kom 2 readings from 2001 or Philippine Art readings from 2002. They might come in handy, you know).

So I'm kinda hoping my pink curtains bring salvation. Lately, I've managed to fry edible porkchops and fried chicken - something my lil' bro ate and actually found yummy. Oh, and I've mastered the art of making French Toasts, too. Look Marco, I'm cooking! :p

Next stop: getting acquainted with the washing machine and making nice Mr. Vacuum.

(pictures to come soon!)

the start of the housekeeping adventure

2007-10-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

my high school boys

2007-10-14T15:44:00.000+08:00

Boys i stalked on TV

Griffin, Party of Five (circa 1996)

Played by Jeremy London, Griffin was the high school rebel who fell for Neve's character. Or was he an OFY?

...I no longer remember the specifics of that drama, but when I think of Po5, I think of Jeremy London. Oh, that puppy-eyed stare, checkered polo and irresistible sensitivity.

(what girl from the 90s didn't like sensitive in her boy?)

Logan Echolls, Veronica Mars

V. Mars' epic love. Logan was rich, (secretly) nice, had a sinister smile, and was witty and charming.

If I was Veronica, I'd get scared too. (and therefore, also plant tracking devices on the boy's car)

Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

High school fantasies won't be complete without a varsity player. (haha) So here he is, the requisite basketball athlete. But of course, Luke (played by Chad Michael Murray) is not only cute. He's also (drumroll, please) sensitive.

this is wrong.

2007-10-09T20:40:00.000+08:00

Nyeta, hindi na kayang i-deny ng sikmura ko. Milo Ventimiglia is hot.

Shit. (good shit, haha.)

(for the milo-hayden tsismis feed, go here)

this just in:

2007-10-05T14:48:00.000+08:00

my work visa arrived today - a few weeks too early! uh-oh.

and i was really looking forward to going home first. :(

Words to Live By

2007-09-25T17:54:00.000+08:00

Works by Andy Warhol.
(from facebook's art feature. ngayon, naiintidihan ko na bakit addictive sya!)

what would you choose?

2007-09-17T16:41:00.000+08:00

a. "get a second shot at childhood -- everything will be brand spanking new." There'll be winter, autumn and spring. Sashimi can be bought off the supah. You'll be drinking tea (for health) and going to bathhouses (for vanity).

b. "go back and come home to me."

marco

2007-09-13T19:36:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday, marco!

TEA
from Rapture by Carol Ann Duffy

I like pouring your tea, lifting
the heavy pot, and tipping it up,
so the fragrant liquid streams in your china cup.

Or when you’re away, or at work,
I like to think of your cupped hands as you sip,
as you sip, of the faint half-smile of your lips.

I like the questions – sugar? – milk? –
and the answers I don’t know by heart, yet,
for I see your soul in your eyes, and I forget.

Jasmine, Gunpowder, Assam, Earl Grey, Ceylon,
I love tea’s names. Which tea would you like? I say
but it’s any tea for you, please, any time of day,

as the women harvest the slopes
for the sweetest leaves, on Mount Wu-Yi,
and I am your lover, smitten, straining your tea.

On fraternity hazing.

2007-08-31T10:41:00.000+08:00

Who 's responsible for the death of Cris Mendez?

Nakakalungkot at nakakasuklam na sa dami nang nabiktima ng fraternity hazing, kailangang may mabiktima ulit.

Hindi sinasadya?

Napuruhan lang?

Lasing nung ginagawa ang initiation rites?

Pweh. I wonder what sort of sick excuses could be running on the minds of the guilty party. Paano kaya sila nakakatulog/nakakahinga/nakakakain nang hindi nila naiiisip yung accidentally e napatay nilang neophyte? Neophyte na iniwan lang nila sa tapat ng Veterans' Hospital na parang hit-and-run victim. Ganun na lang yon? You can't even honor him in death? The guy took his chances and subjected himself under your whims. So much for brotherhood. So much for the fraternity's claims of honor, priniciple, and balls. The mighty brotherhood doesn't even have the decency to owe up to the grave consequences of their mistake and say sorry.

Nakakasukang magkaroon ng mga ganitong klaseng kaeskuwela.

On a related note, the peyups forum discussing fraternity hazing and the Cris Mendez incident.

http://www.peyups.com/posts.khtml?mode=viewtopic&topic=26286&forum=1&start=330

miss-mushy

2007-08-28T17:42:00.000+08:00

Because i`m too lazy to post a decent blog entry (notice how my blogging habits merely produces tags or results of self-indulgent quizzes?). Well, here we have a list of things I wish I could have brought with me to Ramenland:

1. Tambay. Whiling away the hours in Cubao, Katipunan and Timog. I miss getting my coffee fix and chatting the night (usually a friday or saturday) away with my dear, equally talkative friends. (marco/trixie/mine/checo/anji/carl)

2. Being a groupie girlfriend. Oh, I super miss going to Manox gigs! Taking pictures (from one angle only because I`m usually too lazy --or shy-- to look for better angles), talking to Grace and Rom (the Purple chicks), listening to GAS-induced conquests (c/o the Manox boys), and trading punkrock stories.

3. Watching gigs. Drinking my usual bottle of Red Horse. And, aside from the Purplechickens, seeing Imago, Peryodiko, and the Itchyworms, among others, play live. Can you believe it, umalis ako and then them Manoxies gigged with Rivermaya and the Wuds? Wah, ingget. These days, the only gig I get to attend is that of ASAP. So much for dressing up for the TV set. (thankyou, tfc).

3. Pigging away. With chinese officemate Iris, Nancy, Rienne, etc. Or with the Marco-shippers, Claire and Raich. Miss taking the chow with a healthful dose of chismis.

4. Going to the movies. I miss escaping to the dark, comforting halls of our moviehouses. In kolehiyala talk, "Super mahal the moviehouses here." And, well, I would have loved to catch A Love Story. Somebody score me a pirated copy, please. :p

5. Watching plays, checking out exhibits. FOA-mode.

6. Going to work. (And this is how much I miss Manila. I miss going to work, gaddamet.)

7. Going to church.

8. Marco. The tambay, away, kape, pelikula, chika, quiapo, pier, dibidi, etc., etc. (nos. 1-5) I miss the boy`s company, his physical presence, and, uhm, his own brand of charm. (btw, it`s Makoy`s birthday on September 14. Send him lotsa luv and greetings, folks! ;p )

So I was hoping to get Ethan Hawke, but instead... (another quiz)

2007-08-10T09:00:00.000+08:00

Your 80s Hunk Is

Bill Gates

Who's Your 80s Hunk?

the quiz says so: i AM disgusting (what 80s toy are you?)

2007-08-01T08:14:00.000+08:00

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?

You're a Garbage Pail Kid!! You're dirty, foul, disgusting, and wrong. But you're still funny as hell.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Knew it! (what famous artist are you quiz)

2007-07-24T09:11:00.000+08:00

What famous artist are you?

You're Van Gogh!! You're dreamy and disconnected at times, and you have a funny way of showing your love (*cough*chopping-off-ear*cough). Still, you know how to capture the world's lonesome beauty like no other. Your art is your life. Cheers!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Knew it! (what famous artists are you quiz)

2007-07-24T07:23:00.000+08:00

What famous artist are you?

Funky Lola Earrings

2007-04-17T18:38:00.000+08:00

Tired of the usual garden-variety earrings (literally, those fit to be worn only in uncomfortable garden parties)?

Think it's not so chica bumping into someone else (be it a friend, an acquaintance, or a frenemy) wearing the selfsame earrings hanging onto your lobe?

Mine, Riza, and Ros thought so, too. All self-proclaimed hikaw fanatics, they came up with the concept of creating one-of-a-kind (yet still very affordable at less than Php100/pair) hikaws! Made mostly out of wooden and glass beads, the earrings they create employ colors reminiscent of our local textiles (they're all locally well-traveled, by the way, being market researchers by day). So if you're looking for a funkier alternative to your Swarovskis or pearls, why not go the Frida Kahlo-route and opt for colorful, earthy beads instead?

As an added treat, each pair will only be created and sold once. Yes, once. Even if you kick, beg, or hurl pearls their way, these designers are not known to relent. Oh, and did I mention each pair goes by a quirky name?

Below are the latest creations. Have fun browsing!

"Cowboy"

"Saranggola"

"Daddy Long Legs"

"Mestizang Uod"

"Wapak"

To place orders, contact them through the following numbers: 0917-8978562 (Mine), 0917-8502849 (Riza), 0919-2394114 (Ros).

For inquiries, drop me a line or email Mine at atzmine@yahoo.com.

name numerology

2007-04-01T19:46:00.000+08:00

There are 15 letters in your name.Those 15 letters total to 72There are 7 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 9
The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number
9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.
Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.
In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4
An Inner Dream number of 4 means: You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

*must my name be so contradicting? tsk.

some thoughts

2007-03-24T01:17:00.000+08:00

* saw ep mich's new pics over at friendster. seems like she was able to go around Vegas and pay her brother a visit in california already (which is a really, really good thing). having a sad moment, i sooo miss the girl terribly. nothing beats a bestfriend mall/ donut/ cake/ food/ laet/ laugh/ tsismis-fest. i wonder when that'll happen again. :((

* today is rienne's (good friend from the office) goodbye-day. now, i don't have anybody to take roundtrip mrt rides with and discuss the usual venomous thoughts. haha. kinda sucks, actually.

* (not just because marco is my Significant Bother and/or i find the other Manoxies -- and their girlfriends-- nice, wonderful, funny people) but I really, really wish the Purplechickens would release the Girls, etc. album already! (can't wait to overplay this cd - hanggang magasgas! :p wanna have girl in a bathtub, girl discovers speech, patihulog, and all others playing over and over again on phoebe the player)

* happy birthday, trixie! we should have a drink (wine? beer?). let's toast your 24 years of being the smartest bimbo on planet art history philippines. :) wuv ya! i'm betting wonderful things will happen to you this year. maybe a guy. a spaniard (ahah!). or an english rockstar/poet gentleman. haha. watif?

This is me, whining.

2007-02-25T13:13:00.000+08:00

(warning: move on to other blogs - like those on my "i love" links- if you don't like whiners or you're unforgiving of people who are mababaw)

Oh, it’s been waaaay long since my last (non-quiz) post! What have I been up to? Work, work, and (even more) work. I miss the slow pace afforded by the MA lifestyle, the bumming around, endless TV time and penniless mall-hopping. Well, maybe not so much the last part, because I do enjoy the yummy lip glosses I now get to enjoy. But I miss having time at my beck and call.

The other night (Thursday), saw me at SaGuijo with Mine, Peter, and a bunch of other Art Studies people (to watch Waterbased, Laya and Avie’s latest musical collab with former officemate Manny). I was feeling so exhausted that day – actually, this exhaustion I’ve carried around for about 3 weeks now. Mostly, it’s because of my workload, with deadlines and new annual report proposals appearing like white hair. Partly, it’s also because of my insistence to make life as leisure-filled as before, when I didn’t have daily work to think about. As I have been complaining to Mine that day, I just feel so exhausted. Aside from the various deadlines I try so hard to meet, I guess it has to do with wanting to be available for so many people - to my aunt and her PC demands, to Michelle, her troubles, and new Las Vegas life, to Ysa in Canada, to Trix (new work!), Froi (what about our planned SEA trip?), and a bunch of other people like Marco (regular quality meetups), my mom in Japan, Rach and Deb who recently arrived from Taiwan (have to have dinner with the cuz and bestfriend- on separate occasions), help Jen-Jen out for her interview, etc.

Really, there’s only me to blame. For wanting life to be as normal (and fun) as my pre-work days. For wanting it to be filled with coffee afternoons, weekday dinners, weekend movies, late night gigs, long phone conversations, YMs, etc. I love these people to bits and immensely enjoy their company, but maybe I just have to deal with the fact that now it’s really impossible to make myself as available as I used to be. Trix calls this, “part of growing up.” To me, it’s giving in to the boredom of work life, and I really don’t want that. But then with this constant need to get to talk to them on a regular basis, on top of the deadlines I have to take care of, what suffers is time for myself. My room’s been so messy (like a bodega). Was supposed to start a raket with my Mom selling bags from Japan (Europe-made ones), got around to taking the pictures but been delaying uploading them and making the descriptions to get it underway. And lately, been reading and writing (for myself) less and less. As a result, the work I’ve been turning in has been trite and crappy.

And still, there are other complex (but really unnecessary) concerns bugging me - like the strangers I associate with at my daily commute- the preggies and oldies at the MRT. Since I’m lucky enough to get my ride (and seats most of the time) at the North Ave and Magallanes station, it’s excruciating having to argue with myself- should I give them the seat I fought so hard for? Pero…nahihrapan sila, what would your father think of you, what if that’s your mom/aunt or future you? etc. Shit, it’s really a cause for guilt on my part. What do you do? Sometimes I give in. Other times when I’m feeling selfish, I don’t -- and worry about the string of bad karma I have just put upon myself.

I’ve gotten around to doing some things though. For years, our dog has been largely neglected (I know, I know – I’m trying to rectify past mistakes though). Gave in to the guilt and have been buying him his daily supply of food. Pero dahil labas sya ng labas (for company or for a good beating from other doggies, I don’t know), his coat’s been in bad shape. Anyone know a good vet- not too expensive and just around the QC-Roosevelt area who can help treat his skin condition? Since he’s already quite old, I do want his snowy-white skin restored before anything happens to him, oh, and get a good checkup too.

Heck, lately I’ve even been missing the Purplechickens’ gigs! Which reminds me: a big round of applause to the boys, the Artists’ Circle and everyone who chipped time and effort and painted some panels of the video. Dream Systems won 1^st Place at the Best in Animation category of the GawadCCP! A much deserved win, after 2 years of meticulous watercolor labor. Wow, the Manox are officially an award-winning band. And now there’s an award to stand witness to the Manox love-fest! Click this link to view the video.

I have to stop whining now.

I just miss having a life. Maybe I’ll get to attend the next Manox gig/victory party at the next Killer Set. And pretty soon, get around to taking care of that bag business. Just need a day or two to spend with myself (to pause and catch my breath), have a cake, catch up on TV shows I’ve been missing and listen to some new music. Oh, just need to recharge and then... will be seein’ ya soon!

"With great power..."

2007-02-25T11:32:00.000+08:00

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man		80%
Wonder Woman		78%
Green Lantern		75%
The Flash		75%
Superman		65%
Iron Man		65%
Supergirl		63%
Hulk		60%
Robin		53%
Batman		30%
Catwoman		25%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

certified cool nerd :p

2006-12-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

Modern, Cool Nerd

65 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 21% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd.

Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)!

Congratulations!

Channeling Marie Antoinette as i turn 24

2006-12-09T11:18:00.000+08:00

How I Spent My Birthday
The guys at Fleur D' Lys (Timog) were the sweetest:

Two mouth-watering cakes to celebrate my 24th birthday!

Strawberry Cream Pie
Just yummy. The chocolate made the always panalo combination of strawberry & cream even more delicious. And notice the legally blonde-ish water tumbler? haha!

(The Fleur D' Lys guys were not only excellent bakers, they were super thoughtful too. Upon learning it was my birthday, this actually came walking up the stairs, on the house.)

The Pavlova Cheesecake

A strawberry meringue cake topped with peaches, kiwi and strawberrys.
And look, a green "happy birthday"!

Maybe they felt sorry i was spending my birthday alone?
Or, maybe it was because i chose to spend it at their lovely place?
(can't blame me, their cakes were so yummy)
Either way, this was such a sweet treat.

Taking my second chance with Apo

2006-11-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

On a recent blogpost in the web magazine pulse.ph, a writer I admire brought into consciousness (once again) the question, "Why do remakes, anyway?" Of course, she’s talking about the recent craze in the local Philippine pop scene wherein songs are rehashed & given new arrangements by today’s industry band-lings. The Eraserheads and Apo Hiking Society, two legendary Filipino acts, have a discography which spanned wide enough to each merit a tribute album. Like writer Joelle Jacinto (jarringly) observed, nowadays, revivals are given heavy airtime -- both on the local radio and noontime TV shows. As a result they’re played most everywhere -- on the jeepney, fx and the gig circuit. Everybody must have, at the very least, one revival song playing over and over again on their heads.

Some bias and a cover trauma
Let me admit that I’m really no Apo fan to begin with. Growing up, I (unfairly) dismissed the trio of Buboy, Danny & Jim as being too folksy for my taste (they were for older people, not me) and too visible, being that they were hosts of the then Sunday noontime variety show "Sa Linggo nAPO Sila”. Yeah, tell me about it: I’m being unkind because I know now you can’t dismiss a band just because they’re popular and could actually make a living out of being a band. But of course those 2 reasons are too trivial to even matter now. There simply just isn’t any valid excuse for my awful dismissal of this seminal Filipino trio.

But then again, those trivial reasons would quantify why, in the first place, it became more bearable for me to listen to revivals of songs by Apo compared to revivals of songs by the Eraserheads, which I can’t bear listening too because they always leave me feeling irritated, sad, & frustrated. I reason: the Eraserheads are not even a decade old yet; the songs are still good enough to be heard in their original form; why the f*cking allow some l*werlifeform to touch sacred ground?! You can’t really blame me because prior to the tribute album, I was able to catch – live- an MTV Awards show where certain popular acoustic singers (P.S. and J.B.) did murderous covers of "Ligaya", "Toyang”- their squeaky falsettos touching songs that were preciouspreciousprecious to me. And I don’t think, to this day, I’ve ever recovered from the trauma of that night. Of course, it may be that I’m just being OA and selfish. I’m being a little girl who’s refusing to share her precious life-changing paperbacks to a younger audience. (A younger audience, that tragically, has members believing that there’s no ultraelectromagneticpop, only an ultraelectromagneticjam.)

So with much more open ears, I welcomed the tribute album for Apo. In response to Joelle, yes, remakes actually share the songs & a piece of the band legacy to younger people & even to the not quite young who stubbornly denied themselves the chance to experience the music when they could have in its original context. Tribute albums, to some extent, do breathe life anew to past songs and past bands.

So with the "Kami nAPO Muna" tribute album which I found nice enough, I sought about wanting to hear the originals, to see how the new ones would compare.

Kamikazee’s Doobi
I’m no big fan of the song "Narda" and so it follows that I’d say I’m no big fan of Kamikazee. BUT (that’s an all caps B**), I didn’t find the remake "DoBiDo" revolting. I even said, upon seeing the video showing the group having an obvious good time, that the song suited them- it was pop-chaotic and illogical in a good way, because, hey, the song was meant to be illogical, chaotic, and just fun right?

Or so I thought.

You could say that the album piqued my Apo Hiking curiosity. I’ve been listening to old Apo stuff. Quite
predictably, I’d taken a liking to songs like "Ewan", "Panalangin", "Blue Jeans", etc. But by golly, the original "DoBiDo" was the most surprising of ‘em all.

Yes, yes, I’ve been an Apo bigot. Because the original rendition of the song was far from comic. Far from chaotic, and certainly far from being illogical. I’d call it affecting, emotional, and genius. It actually sounds like a folklore being sung. The melody is rhythmic with a haunting quality to it. Blew me away. And it really validates the question: indeed, why do we need remakes again?

Answer: Probably to make bigots like me offer a blogpost of repentance.

Take the time to listen to some good ol’ Apo, folks. :)

good-by F-word.

2006-09-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

I HAVE A JOB. Can you imagine, me, sitting behind a desk? Hooray to the high heavens- and I was almost about to believe they’ve given up on me.

Permanent work is a copywriting gig I stumbled upon in Jobstreet. After weeks of dragging myself (sometimes reluctantly, especially when it’s 6:30 am on a Saturday or 9:30 pm on a Monday) to interviews- from industries as varied as telemarketing, ESL, and inbound assistance, I met this Something I think I can do (and love). And yey, it decided to hug me back. So now, I’m a committed girl reading about what makes an effective copy and trying to learn some effective and helpful trade tricks. I’m excited and nervous and a bit expectant.

Although tempted to act like a fresh grad being an office newbie, I try to project a more grown-up exterior (naks!). A few months ago, Trixie and I were discussing how much we hated being treated like greenhorns because as much as it cuts you some slack, in a way it somehow puts a limitation above your head. And so I tell myself, this time, I don’t want that anymore. With a little help from above, I hope to avoid past work foibles. And sincerely learn to love this lovable thingy.

Because the world looks promising (and "promising", in my book, is defined by an attribute Mich and I agreed as essential: the importance to have something to look forward to), I leave you with this quote from St. John:

"I am not made or unmade by the things that happen to me but by my reaction to them.’

i believe the word is "adorable"?

2006-08-19T00:53:00.000+08:00

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few.
But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.

Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Split-personality tendencies

2006-08-01T21:46:00.000+08:00

You scored as Jean Grey. Jean Grey is likely the most powerful X-Man. She loves Cyclops very much but she has a soft spot for Wolverine. She's psychic so she can sense how others are feeling and tries to help them. She also has to control her amazing powers or the malevolent Phoenix entity could take control of her and wreak havok. Powers: Telekinetic, Telepathic

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

You Are...

2006-08-01T21:25:00.000+08:00

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

global filial ties

2006-08-01T19:46:00.000+08:00

So this is what how it feels like belonging to a Pinoy "global" family. I am in Fukui,Japan as i write this first post, and 3 days later, on Friday, i will be sick with separation anxiety; longing for my mom, Kazu and Teru, my two brothers who happen to be Japanese, and Oneisan Jesse, my Japanese stepfather so badly back in my familiar room in Quezon City. I will be back home. But, like a sad cliche which i can't help being, I will be leaving so much of myself behind. Here, in this sleepy Japanese town. Here in this sleepy Japanese town the Japanese people have agreed to call "the most pleasant place to stay in Japan." And i would be taking something of my mother's, my mother's, my mother's, of Kazu's, Teru's and even tito Jesse's with me.

We have tried to have my visa extended, to no avail. The Japanese immigration officer couldn't see any good reason to enable me to stay longer in their country; we were only asking for two more weeks, but they just wouldn't budge. To them 3 months is as long as 2 weeks, and the official reason from the embassy is: why let me stay when there's a family already looking after me in manila anyway. It is my place on earth. And so there i should be.

But is it, really? Well, technically yes- dictated by birth and the family that reared me. Like gender, why can't we be free to choose "homes" for ourselves, cultures we would rather belong to- maybe if given the chance to choose, i would have chosen to be French or Arab or Indonesian. Or I would have chosen to be a hyphenated Filipino-Australian. Or a Chinese-Thai. Let's imagine that the world does reviolve around me and suddenly, i'm so lucky i'm given the chance to choose like a lone contestant about to win something from a game show akin to Kris Aquino's Deal or no Deal- something very apt for Pinoys when you think about it- and the price up for grabs is, instead of millions, is dual citizenry: please God, grant me permanent citizenry in Japan. But no, not for economic reasons- I just want to be able to visit my family freely, anytime i wish to, anytime i miss them so much, whenever it's my mom's birthday or Kazu's graduation or tito Jesse's promotion or Teru's special day. Just whenever i feel like going. It's not like I plan to abandon the Philippines; I just hate having to go through the tedious process of tending papers to apply for a Japanese visa whenever that longed-for visit comes. (and should it only be once a year and TWOf*ckingweeks because that's the only frequency our income allows me?) Families should be allowed to see each other freely, without question of race or of the economic standing of one's country.

So this is how belonging to a global family feels like. I would be going home on Friday with a newly-bought Kimono having to remain unworn as i can no longer attend sleepyhappytown Fukui's festival happening that night. Darn it. I don't hate my being Filipino but i find it rather unsettling and MADDENING and ILLOGICAL that just because my mother, stepfather and brothers all happen to be Japanese, i am required special government papers just to be able to be with them in their country.