(warning: move on to other blogs - like those on my "i love" links- if you don't like whiners or you're unforgiving of people who are mababaw)
Oh, it’s been waaaay long since my last (non-quiz) post! What have I been up to? Work, work, and (even more) work. I miss the slow pace afforded by the MA lifestyle, the bumming around, endless TV time and penniless mall-hopping. Well, maybe not so much the last part, because I do enjoy the yummy lip glosses I now get to enjoy. But I miss having time at my beck and call.
The other night (Thursday), saw me at SaGuijo with Mine, Peter, and a bunch of other Art Studies people (to watch Waterbased, Laya and Avie’s latest musical collab with former officemate Manny). I was feeling so exhausted that day – actually, this exhaustion I’ve carried around for about 3 weeks now. Mostly, it’s because of my workload, with deadlines and new annual report proposals appearing like white hair. Partly, it’s also because of my insistence to make life as leisure-filled as before, when I didn’t have daily work to think about. As I have been complaining to Mine that day, I just feel so exhausted. Aside from the various deadlines I try so hard to meet, I guess it has to do with wanting to be available for so many people - to my aunt and her PC demands, to Michelle, her troubles, and new Las Vegas life, to Ysa in Canada, to Trix (new work!), Froi (what about our planned SEA trip?), and a bunch of other people like Marco (regular quality meetups), my mom in Japan, Rach and Deb who recently arrived from Taiwan (have to have dinner with the cuz and bestfriend- on separate occasions), help Jen-Jen out for her interview, etc.
Really, there’s only me to blame. For wanting life to be as normal (and fun) as my pre-work days. For wanting it to be filled with coffee afternoons, weekday dinners, weekend movies, late night gigs, long phone conversations, YMs, etc. I love these people to bits and immensely enjoy their company, but maybe I just have to deal with the fact that now it’s really impossible to make myself as available as I used to be. Trix calls this, “part of growing up.” To me, it’s giving in to the boredom of work life, and I really don’t want that. But then with this constant need to get to talk to them on a regular basis, on top of the deadlines I have to take care of, what suffers is time for myself. My room’s been so messy (like a bodega). Was supposed to start a raket with my Mom selling bags from
And still, there are other complex (but really unnecessary) concerns bugging me - like the strangers I associate with at my daily commute- the preggies and oldies at the MRT. Since I’m lucky enough to get my ride (and seats most of the time) at the North Ave and Magallanes station, it’s excruciating having to argue with myself- should I give them the seat I fought so hard for? Pero…nahihrapan sila, what would your father think of you, what if that’s your mom/aunt or future you? etc. Shit, it’s really a cause for guilt on my part. What do you do? Sometimes I give in. Other times when I’m feeling selfish, I don’t -- and worry about the string of bad karma I have just put upon myself.
I’ve gotten around to doing some things though. For years, our dog has been largely neglected (I know, I know – I’m trying to rectify past mistakes though). Gave in to the guilt and have been buying him his daily supply of food. Pero dahil labas sya ng labas (for company or for a good beating from other doggies, I don’t know), his coat’s been in bad shape. Anyone know a good vet- not too expensive and just around the QC-Roosevelt area who can help treat his skin condition? Since he’s already quite old, I do want his snowy-white skin restored before anything happens to him, oh, and get a good checkup too.
Heck, lately I’ve even been missing the Purplechickens’ gigs! Which reminds me: a big round of applause to the boys, the Artists’ Circle and everyone who chipped time and effort and painted some panels of the video. Dream Systems won
I just miss having a life. Maybe I’ll get to attend the next Manox gig/victory party at the next Killer Set. And pretty soon, get around to taking care of that bag business. Just need a day or two to spend with myself (to pause and catch my breath), have a cake, catch up on TV shows I’ve been missing and listen to some new music. Oh, just need to recharge and then... will be seein’ ya soon!
